Using Humor to learn English

Defang, well done! Your humouristic story is very amusing. I enjoyed it. 

An Englishman, an Irishman and a Scotsman walked into a bar together. They each bought a pint of Guinness but just as they were about to start drinking, three flies landed- one in each of thier pints—and became stuck in the thick, creamy head.

The Englishan immediately pushed his pint away in disgust.

The Scotsman fished the fly out of his Guinness and carried on drinking regardless.

The Irishman, too, picked the fly out of his drink, then held it over the beer and yelled at the insect: “Spit it out! Spit it out, you bastard!”

Nice Kotlesya..

Two guys are sitting on a bar stool. One starts to insult the other one. He screams, “I slept with your mother!” The bar gets quiet as everyone listens to see what the other weasel will do. The first again yells, “I SLEPT WITH YOUR MOTHER!” 

The other says, “Go home dad you’re drunk.” 

The Silent Treatment 
A man and his wife were having some problems at home 
and were giving each other the silent treatment.   
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him 
at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. 
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper, 
‘Please wake me at 5:00 AM .’ He left it where he knew she would find it. 
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn’t wakened him, 
when he noticed a piece of paper by  the bed. 
The paper said, ‘It is 5:00 AM . Wake up…’ 
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

Three old guys  are out walking.First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer..’ 

Ooops!!!! :D it would be so funny…but the defended opened the road to back ;) coz his respond made clear the air and let all know he just doesn’t know English :D

Ahoo,  I  would like to have seen the Lawyer´s face   at  hearing  his defendant response to the Judge . Probably thinking: you dumb  bastard ,you  messed up your case. lol 

@julito…;) I hope u won’t like to try it…then we should be in seeking for you from then on :D

poooooor guuuuuuuy :D I think he didn’t know “Englishbaby” ;) otherwise wouldn’t fell in this funny situation…:D

GIVE ME YOUR WALLET…julitooooooo…hahahaha

IN A NEW YORK CITY COURTROOM 

The lawyer for the accused thief:    ”Your Honor, I want to bring your attention just how unfair it is for my client to be accused of theft.He arrived in New York City only a week ago and barely knows his way around. What´s more, he only speaks a few words of English.So the accusations brought against him are not only unfair, but have no basis whatsoever.”  The Judge looked over at the defendant and sized him up  and down.He then proceeded to ask slowly and distinctly: “Just ….how…. much… English… can.. you …speak?” The defendant looked up at the judge and said:   “Give me your wallet!!”

Ahoo,  instead of a Mercedes  she received a scale as a wedding anniversary  from 0 to 200 in six  seconds . heheheh.  a good one. Thank you for posting.

thnx teacher…you are #1 :D :*

and here’s mine :D

Bob was in trouble. He forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife was
really pissed.

She told him “Tomorrow morning, I expect to find a gift in the
driveway that goes from 0 to 200 in 6 seconds AND IT BETTER BE THERE !!”

The next morning he got up early and left for work. When his wife woke
up, she looked out the window and sure enough there was a box
gift-wrapped in the middle of the driveway.

Confused, the wife put on her robe and ran out to the driveway, brought
the box back in the house.

She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale.

Bob has been missing since Friday.

Yeah! I always loved using humor to learn English. It really works!

Thank you, English teacher

Anytime Lesya!

Good morning, dear Alston. This lesson made me laugh so much, especially the polite question to “Mr. Lion” :) Thanks for the good start of my day 

Humor Lesson No. 1: The Hunter and the Lion:

There was a hunter who went on a safari to hunt for a lion.  After a long day of searching, he came face-to-face with the lion.  He then raised his rifle, took careful aim, and pulled the trigger; but the gun went “click,” opps, he forgot to load the rifle!

At that moment, the hunter slowly placed the gun on the ground, closed his eyes and bowed his head; the lion also closed his eyes, and bowed his head.  The hunter then opened his eyes and slowly raised his head; and the lion opened his eyes and slowly raised his head.

Then the Hunter asked the Lion: “Mr. Lion, are you praying too?”

The Lion said, “Daddy, you’re the only one praying, because I’m saying “grace!”“