My Silly Mind by karykary | English, baby! Blogs

Hello again!

karykary — Thu, 23 Jul 2009 06:18:55 GMT

Hello again!

I haven't written my blog since April. After that, I had still travelled to Nanjing, Shuzhou and Shanghai alone until mid of May and then I came back to HK.

During that period, I met some new friends and had another vision of the world.
Acutally I 'm really appreciated many people who I have met in this site left me messages.

Now I 'm starting to setup a online shop and still studying English. Moreover I am learning to use some computer programes about the graphic designs. I want to follow my interests to achieve my goal that has being set when i was a child. I want to be a creative idea designer.

Hope to make my dreams will come true.

In fact, I will seat a TOEFL exam. on Saturday. Although I don't have a good preparation, I still try my best to get more scores how I can in order to understand myself how my English level is.

Good Luck to myself!

Have a great day to everyone!

I'm in China now!

karykary — Sun, 26 Apr 2009 21:40:18 GMT

I'm in China now!

During these weeks, I have done a lot of things stupid. I think I really love him because I could ignore his cheating, his dishonest, his lies..... even he had another girl who travelled with him. I kept waiting and waiting his call, his email, his message and I gave myself a thousand of excuses for him. Finally I know even I did a tone of things for him, he haven't felt appreciated!

I have a lot of questions haunting in my mind and I always feel confused what his thought is. He knows me whatever he've done and told me I must accept and stand all. He was no need to tell lies to me.

This trip in China, I think that was a momeriable experience because I never have been China by myself. First of all, I bought the airticket that was as expensive as I could join a tour to travel China for 7 days. But I couldn't complaint because I had to arrive on a specified date. And I'd never walked on the street in the midnight to find a hotel location he stayed. Moreover I 'd never ran on the street as fast as I could that was look like in TV series or moives acting to meet him in a bus station before he went to airport but finally I couldn't catch him because he took a taxi to airport. I knew after he arrived in another city. Then I went to airport where I hoped to meet him but of course I couldn't. In addition, I'd never imagine we stayed in 2 different room in a same hotel. The reason was he told me he had to work in a room and some people would come in the morning too. Therefore when I arrived at the hotel at night, I booked another room and moved in the morning. I thought this was true but also I considered he didn't want me to meet his people and that girl who had traveled and had had a special relationship with him.

Those things are look like very stupid I've done. But in my mind, I want to try everything I can. I don't want any regrets if I do nothing.

Now I see and know the truth clearly. I have to treat myself well and I will continue to finish my traveling in China.

Sometimes I'm wondering our problem is related about our languages, cultures.... He is always angry with my wrong replies because I can't catch his meaning. He said he felt difficult to talk with me. And I saw him was impatient to listen my words. His face was seemed to be very annyoned when I tried to explain or tell him something slowly and what he wanted to know or asked me.

I always blame on myself and angry with my English not good. If I studied in aboard when I was a child, this would be changed. Silly thought!

Actually, whatever I study hard in English from now, I still can't speak or talk as a western girl.

Disappointed!

karykary — Wed, 25 Mar 2009 18:01:42 GMT

Disappointed!

I have come back for 6 days. I only have rec'd his one email that talked about he's crazy busy even he didn't sleep to complete his job. Therefore he had no choice, no time, no way to contact me........

However, I came back earlier a bit related wiht him because I'd want to celebrate his birthday. The day was past, I couldn't contact him. I tried to send email to him to ask which hotel he would stay but no replied, no replied, no replied........... I just wanted to say " happy birthday" to him, why he suddenly treated me like that.

Before today, I gave myself a thousand of excuses to explain why he 's cold. "He's busy, focus on working, a lot of friends he 'd to meet........" I still gave myself a hope. I really understand if someone cares about you, he must be able to spend a few mins to send you text, reply your email or call you. Otherwise, it means that he really doesn't care about me.

Today, I knew his job has been done already through his new posting. Unfortunately, the posting wasn't given to me. Until now, he still hasn't replied or sent me a email or call me.

I'm feeling so sad. When I saw his new posting, my heart was beating very fast and my tears was out of control dropping down from my eyes.

Until now, my heart is feeling hurt.

Why people 's mind can change so quickly? I really don't understand. One week ago, he treated me still very sweet, now............. Perhaps he met a girl who makes him crazy.

I hadn't been in love with men for many years because I's afraid of getting hurt until he appeared. I thought I could try once.

Finally, the result is the same!

How can I change better?

karykary — Sun, 15 Mar 2009 16:17:49 GMT

How can I change better?

I have a big problem of my English speaking.

I have met him since last Jan. I always chat with him on MSN, also I can easy express what I say on that. However, when I really talk to him face to face or on phone, I feel have a lot of difficulties to speak English. I can't express myself, I can't ask what I want. I always make him confuse and not understand what I say.

Somtimes I feel no confidence to speak English. When my feeling nervous, I really feel more difficult to organize my thoughts before speaking. I use wrong garmmars, wrong words, wrong tenses and so on. In addition, I think my pronounciation isn't well due to lose more self-confidence.

Therefore we usually talk online, not on phone. I think this is a bit odd because it seems to be normal to chat on phone when we are friend. Actually, I like to talk with him but I've always no topics to raise and I can't catch his meaning when he talks sometimes. I often keep slience on the phone.

In fact I feel very anxious about this. I think this is a big blockage if I will develope our relationship.

Consequently I always think how to make myself speak better and solve my problems about self-confidence, anxiety. You know those kinds of problem which make me sleepless all the times.

Maybe I'm very silly and stubborn.

Finally, may I ask you all a question? Does someone have this kind of problem about speaking unconsistencely when feeling nervous.

Than you all!!

My Feeling (1)

karykary — Thu, 19 Feb 2009 13:18:48 GMT

My Feeling (1)

Today, I'm feeling upset! Actually, I think I feel depressed. I can't focus on my work, even I can't concentrate on my mind. My brain is empty just like to be dug out.

I don't want to eat, sleep, even I don't want to close my eyes because I would recall my memories about us.

I understand we has had a great time, fun and really enjoyed every minute we were together. However, I really understand the truth is "We are no future, we can't be in a stable relationship, we can only enjoy the fun during the possible time."

In fact, at the beginning, I avioded to think about that, only to enjoy and appreciate every time that we stayed together.

However, the time has gone by, I know I can't control myself to think about our relationship. I would know an answer because I really like him.

Therefore, I traced my all memories about us to find some clues that could imply he would like to develop a stable relationship or love me.

Happy Valentine's Day!

karykary — Sat, 14 Feb 2009 22:42:32 GMT

Happy Valentine's Day!

In the past years, I was alone in Valentine's day, of course no exception of this year. However, I don't feel lonely actually because I have friends, TV, lab-yop, those are my best companies. Lovers can be my friends, parent, my cat, my dog......

I remember I wrote a compostition which topic was " My Future Husband" when I was in school.

I think this is interesting because mostly every girl has some dreams and are looking to forward about her future, especially about her hunsband, wedding, family life and so on.

Therefore i want to post here to share my funny idea.

****************************************************

My Future Husband

One day, if I get married, I hope that my husband will be ideal. I have some standards that are set in my mind.

His appearance will be smart and handsome. He will have a dimple on his face when he smiles. Also, he will be taller than me more than 3 inches because I can always wear high-heels. His skin will be sun-tanned color and won't be skinny or have a big belly. Actually, I hope he will be a bit stylish.

He will have a good career and a stable income. I won't have to work for our living, however, I will still run my own business that I am interested in. Moreover, he will have to pay the expenditures of our living and pay my pocket money. Actually the finance controller will be me! I think if he loves me, he won't care I will manage all the things including his financial situation. Of course he will have his own secret money.

I think it is important thing that he will have a good personality and be a responsible person for me, my parents and his, too.

He should be clever than me, mature, patient and he won't be too serious sometimes. Also he will always make me happy, have a good sense of humor, honest, loyal to me., considerate of everyone and generous in giving help but not for the women.

In fact, my future husband will have to love truly and be kind to me and concern about me very much. We should have be common hobbies, such as singing, traveling, meeting friends, shopping and so on. Moreover, we share everthing except my secert money (just kidding), for example our happiness, sadness, worries and a various kind of experences. We can chat about anything as friends. We can take care of the feelings and the life of each other.

The most important thing is that I hope he always puts me first and is considerate of me. Actually, my ideal husband in the future should be a gentleman. When I feel upset, unhappy or worried, he will motivate and stand by me. When I am happy and laugh, we can laugh together too. He can help me to solve the problems when I have some difficulties. In addition. He protect me in any situations. Also he will appear in fromt of me when I need him. Otherwise, I need privacy. On the other hand, we will share our experiences and our feelings to each other. He will have to understand and respect me and also let me know what his happening in his life. I won't want him to keep secrets with me. We will keep the good relationship until at the end of our life.

***************************************************

Wow, actually, when I read it again, I feel so shy. Because the writing skill is so poor, and also I feel myself selfish. It seems to be only focus on my benefit, not to care about his feeling.

In fact, I think I really will do care about my lover's feeling and thought if I am head over heels for someone.

I hope I can meet my Mr. Right some day!

And Hope everyone can find their true love, too!

Just to say "Hi"

karykary — Fri, 13 Feb 2009 00:01:54 GMT

Just to say "Hi"

Hello, everybody! This is my first time to write a blog in English. Athough my English isn't good really, I think this is a good opportunity to practice.

Actually I have no idea what I want to write right now. Therefore I'm just to say "Hi" to everyone who read my blog.

But I'm sure that I will have more ideas to make my blog interesting in the future.

I hope everyone have a wonderful day!