nobody can help

what does your holiday like in those days?  for mine, not good. i spent my whole holidays in the hospital.of course that was not because of the problem of my physical,but my father. i have been worrying about him a lot recently.he went to the impatient twice in three months.each time i saw his painful face,i was in deeply sad.i just cried terriblly in the back of him. i have to pretended how strong i am. but actually i am not, i am really not. i am sacred, i really afraid that he will be gone. i can not accept those thing happened in my life,nobody knows that how much i love him. he gave me so much happiness in my childhood.he is the greatest farther in my mind. for years, i have the bad relationship with my mother, absolutly, i get much closer with my father.i really want to help my father, i feel so helpless now. honestly, i need money right now, i really need it . but i dont know where i can find it except by work.  i know that i have to work harder and harder, though i will have less time to take care of my father.and tonight something happened makes me feel deeply hurt. i talked about this topic with bf.where i can get money for paying the bill for the impatient.i said i dont know, maybe borro. from someone else. he answered me,would you ask me for money, i can not lend them to you, i have to store in money for buying anything else. at the moment,my tear came out suddenly,i have never thought how selfish he is, is he the one have been in love with me for four years?  the stuff was happened to my own family, nobody can help,the only thing i can do is to be strong.i have to handle everything by myself.