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Gary Skyner Dot Com

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Gary Skyner

Poland

January 17, 2012

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw prints are yours and contain your food. The other dishes are mine and contain my food. Placing a paw print in the middle of my plate and food does not mean it becomes your food and dish.

The stairs are not a racetrack. Racing me to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the sofa so you are more comfortable. Dogs and cats can curl up when they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep 90 (degrees) to each other, stretched out to make yourselves as long as possible. I also know that having tails straight and tongues hanging out is not essential.

For the last time, there is no secret exit from the bathroom! If, by some miracle, I am there before you and manage to shut the door, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the door handle or get your paw under the door in an attempt to open the door. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for many years without the help of a dog or cat.

The best order for kissing is: Kiss me first, then go smell the other dog or cat's bottoms.

Finally, dear pets, I have posted the following message on the front door:

TO ALL NON-PET OWNERS WHO VISIT AND LIKE TO COMPLAIN ABOUT MY PETS

They live here. You don't.
If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture. That's why they call it 'fur'-niture.
I like my pets a lot better more I like most people.
To you, they are animals. To me, they are adopted sons/daughters who are short, hairy, walk on all fours and don't speak clearly.

Remember, dogs and cats are better than children because they:

eat less
don't ask for money all the time
are easier to train
normally come when called
never ask to borrow the car
don't mix with drug-using people
don't smoke or drink
don't want to wear your clothes
don't have to buy the latest fashions
don't need a lot of money for their education
if they get pregnant, you can sell their children


VOCABULARY

(a) paw  noun  the foot of an animal
(a) racetrack  noun  a path or road, usually circular, where people can race
to trip  verb  to fall over after knocking your foot against something
king-sized  adjective  larger than normal size
to curl up  phrasal verb  90° to sit or lie with your arms and legs close to your body
essential  adjective  needed
adopted  adjective  a child taken by another family and looked after as their own child

More entries: LISTENING PRACTISE - NOSTRADAMUS & 11TH SEPTEMBER, VOCABULARY PRACTISE - LOONEY LAWSUITS 2 (4), GRAMMAR PRACTISE - BOTH / EITHER / NEITHER + NOUN FOR TWO THINGS (4), VOCABULARY PRACTISE - RHYMING WORDS, VERY HOT (2), VOCABULARY PRACTISE - LOONEY LAWSUITS 1 (1), VOCABULARY PRACTISE - WORDS FOR ALMOST EVERYTHING, VOCABULARY PRACTISE - RED ROSES (4), READING PRACTISE - Paul is Dead (part 1) (3), READING PRACTISE - DEAR DODS & CATS (4)

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08:42 AM Jan 17 2012

kotlesya

kotlesya
Belarus

Kot means in Russian and Belarussian cat as well :))))))))))))))

05:44 AM Jan 17 2012

Gary Skyner
Poland

Thank you Kotlesya and SantD. Glad you like it. I like Simon's Cat very much. Btw, Kot in Polish means 'cat.'

04:56 AM Jan 17 2012

kotlesya

kotlesya
Belarus

Very nice blog! I recollected all my pets I had and their characters and habbits :) Your blog reminded me a cartoon "Simon's Cat" and serial “Wilfred”. You have described pets with an incredible accuracy. I adore pets (especially dogs), but I can't agree that they are better than children. 

04:33 AM Jan 17 2012

SantD.

SantD.
Brazil

Oh, my! That's genious! The best post I've ever read so far. Did you write it? I'm such a dog person, so I can identify myself to all possible situations written above, especially the one about the bathroom. I'll never understand why pets get so upset when their owner goes there, maybe they think it's a dangerous place that must be avoided. This text also reminds me of Garfield and all the funny situations that his owner John has gotten into.

And thanks for adding the vocabulary to the post, it's very helpful :)