New job again

This is the 3rd week of my new job. And I want to leave and find my long-term job again.

But man should live first and think about the other things after you are finacially free. You could think about your interest, your love, your future, your ideal dream only when you don't need to worry about your rent, your bread, your debt and your bill of credit card.

My finalcial status was incredible horrible in the past 8 years. I tried to get rid of it but failed and make it worse and worse. Luckily I find the way to work it out and hope it is not that late and could be executed strictly.

I knew the helper from the AD in newspapers and they really could help me. Of course, the commision charge is not cheap, but I could afford it and I think it deserve that. It is a proper price if it could truly help you. It is a little late since I knew that after I miss my payback date of the credit card. And now I have left Shenzhen, I should go back to Shenzhen every month to handle these finacial matter.

I found my direction and already make my career plan. But I must solve the money problem first. There will be 1 or 2 monthes to proceed.

I'm a poor loser from a poor family. But my father and sister already could live up by themself now. I only need to feed myself.

I ever want to be a politician, a scholar, a writer. But I could and it is suitable and better for me to be is a man in a large company to plan or sale in overseas marketing area.

And I ever want to be gentle and almighty, but now I have to be strict, brave, great at speech.

I find the idol(or just a model) I should study and try to be.

I should be a man, a tough strong man. No indulge, no waste, no poor-generous.

Be simple, with few luggage, few clothes.

But how to deal with my many new clothes and shoes? Consign in these 2 years, no shopping in these 2 years.
Dress in my existing clothes and shoes. Give my useless goods to others.

I've so many books and they are my delicious mental food. And some are my self-educated textbook. They are heavy and hard to take. And the consign charge is so high that I always headache how to deal with them. I like to read the printed paper book. But my unstable work and life status and the moving days make me tired.

I want to rebuild myself till I'm satisfied and then go out to find an ideal job to start my new life. But it is hard. I need the resourse, I've them but not on hand. I should go to Luo's apartment to take my books and the winter clothes yesterday. But I didn't want to met him again in such a short time. He is so nice, but I'm ashamed to see him.

I need something sure, certain, absolute. But where are they? I'm a man, a physiological mature man. Too many interest and chances make me lost.

Only successful and powerful man is charming. I should compel myself to believe in this.

Flower is from blood, tears and sweat.