The Day The Subject Changed

This blog is long overdue. I just didn't have time to think about things lately with things so busy at the office. Sometimes, too, I purposely not think about things because I will just go on a relapse. And that usually is not very nice. I would find myself crying again and my body refuses to get out of bed. And I would end up feeling miserable with eyes very hideous because they are so puffy.

My life now follows the Paretto Principle. It's the 80-20 rule. I'm not sure what it exactly means. All I know is that there is the 80% and the 20%. Like my life now, I am ok 80% percent of the time. I can laugh, function and be normal. But there is still the 20%. And it's during that 20% of the time when I'm time warped to the time when everything else is very fresh and they just hurt very much.

Why the day the subject changed? I always put a marker on all my emails here. This day marks the time when I think I should stop hoping that my mail be read. If they will be then I know it will make my heart jump again. At least I know he still cares. But it's too difficult opening this email everyday hoping against hope that the mail would mark READ. So, let's just delete that marker. It's probably a good idea to just turn this email account into an online diary. Still my special most valuable possession like how it's always been. It will be my companion as I go on. It still feels nice to write. If one day, I would be missed, and he would wonder how I am doing and where I might be, he would find that Mattie would and could still bring him home.