about me

Entry for March 21, 2008
First of all, I wanted to thank for all comments. I didn't expect it and I was really convinced that noone will read this blog. I know it sounds naively.
The main aim of writing here was to have experience needed to writing a book: about how me and my life changed for better when my self-estimate grew.
I'm working on it to change myself and it's happening very slowly - but it's happening.
I still have low self-estimate (but it becomes more and more higher everyday:) ) and sometimes it's happening that when I'm dressed in clothes in which I feel badly it seems to me that all the people around are looking at me in a strangley way and when they laugh it seems to me that those people are laughing at me. I know the way of thinking like that is one of the main features of low self-estimate.
The fact is htat nobody's looking at me in a strange way, nobody's critizing me, nobody's laughing at me. All these things have place only in my head:)
Now I'm learning how to get rid of this way of thinking.
My self-esteem grew little thanks to the people met in the internet. About 3 years ago my look changed for better and it became thanks to my youngest daughter. Her name is Olivia. When she was born, I lost on the weight like never before and my face changed. My friend cut my hair.
I started to look different, younger than before.
But I still thought about myself then: "I'm fat and ugly". (like I used to do since I remember)
When I met people in virtually way and we exchanged with our photos, suddenly I found out that I'm attractive as a woman. Firstly I didn't want to believe them but later I began to do it.
I believed I'm not ugly and fat and my way of walking changed too. I stopped hunch my back and started to be straightened.
Besides I used to think about myself: "I' stupid". It also changed when after chatting many people told me I'm intelligent. I began to believe it too.
My way of thinking about myself changed.:)
The last thing which changes in my is my decision about looking for a job. At last.
After almost 5-yeared break.
I thought I was a hopeless worker because I didn't do my work in a perfect way.
It caused I started to think I'll never be a good worker, I can do nothing and so on.
Suddenly this way of thinking changed and it happened thanks to my friends.
Now I believe I can learn everything.:)
My dreams started to make come true. I dreamt of writing a book but people who I told this used to laugh at me or tried to discourage me. They even told me that's very difficult and with certainty not for me. And at last, after few years I met a man who helped me to believe in myself, who told me
I may do it.
I'm very grateful for him. :)