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jerry0331

jerry0331

China

August 6, 2010

Let me try to say something that probably end up with the nonsense, I have been speechless for ages, ‘cause it makes me feel better, I try to avoid everything in my life, and I try to be numb, I think pretending to be numb is goddamn good, God knows what I am doing. I said I try to speak like an idiot, who doesn’t like an idiot?  And I am a rather freak not doing anything that can fit in with the surroundings, a monster with ugly teeth is much vivid and live than me, I am just an empty skeleton, a body with no soul…   What‘s passion? What a stupid question, I ain’t know the answer to it, what I know is I have already lost it, I am a lost child, lost in the middle of nowhere, and I don’t have any goddamn dream, what’s my direction and guidance? I would rather jump into a remote forest that nobody can find me; can I just do what I want? Why do I have the strong temptation to make the life better, why do I want to stand up to evoke a bloody battle that there won’t be a win-win ending? What kind of life is a better life? I have pursued a goal harder and harder, while I don’t treasure anything I have at hand ,and what’s worse ,I despise them, as the same way as I look down upon myself.  Don’t let me lose the illusion of you, I don’t wanna face the reality, it’s just a shit, life is damn boring here, I would rather die in your illusion, don’t show me the truth, don’t take off the cruel glove, it’s bloody inside, and don’t show me the darkness, I would rather be burnt under the bright light, at least I can die slowly and slowly seeing your face in front of me…  Why people write things, and why they write it so depressing, like it’s never gonna have a happy moment at all, like life’s full of sallow and agony, is it people will be better after they finish an essay? they will have a short break and them continue with their writings again and again, they write dairy, journal, blog, twitter or just some tests to update their moods online, but what’s the purpose of it? Try to tell people what you are up to today? Or just show what’s going on with your emotion? all the time we don’t talk to people we have known in daily life, while we will chat with dozens of strangers that we will never meet and will never be a real friend, what a pathetic thing, we shut down the door to communicate with parents and friends, and we are isolated and stay behind the door to avoid the potential danger, and we will be lonely and lonely…       

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