THE SUICIDAL NOTE

All through the disguise of what I know as life,
Nothing is perfectly tied and all lost as I strive,

Going on and on towards the end of path and when I do reach there it’s all a new story again,

Back and forth into the tunnel of paled visions,
I see what others don’t and it’s not preachified illusions,

Brain stormed unto my being as I shied from living across the choleric beasts hungry of gorging emotions and trusts,

Why the world is alien to me or am I to it?
Why the world shows it cares then relinquishes?
Why the world nurtures us then brinks culmination?

“Listen now to me I have words to make you free” spoke my infirm psyche,


It spoke a hasty way out of vexed life,
It spoke to end what’s alive nothing but my own sacrifice,

It spoke I can be free without worries which gashes wounds on my fate,
It spoke I won’t have to carry the encumbered hopes spilled and cemented over me,

It spoke I won’t have to face the fake trials,
It spoke everything but remained silent when my heart cross questioned
“Will I live happily ever after than?”

The reality of ending myself to counter things which are of restricted period sounds totally different,

My spirit fought an internal war with my reasoning faculties,

It reasoned I won’t be freed but will wander forever between the forces of nature,
It reasoned it’s not the way out but the way into eternal pain,

It reasoned the ones who value me love me how would they miss me,
It reasoned not all does poison hatred there are people who would stare me with teary eyes,

It reasoned who am I to end what’s blessed from ALL MIGHTY GOD,
It reasoned life is supposed to be a trial for heaven or abyss,

It reasoned I will loose life of eternal happiness just for ending mortal glooms,

So what should I do seeing all the deadly pills lying around me, those sharp edged blades,
The rope hung ready to take life away…

Obviously wouldn’t let all those things scatter me anymore I can’t take what’s bestowed and sacredly blessed,

The spirit itself is enough to lead me towards salvation and light my ways to the predestined destiny in the life here and the one here after.

originally posted on my mocospace blog www.mocospace.com/qtluvbug