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August 12, 2014

    Have you ever felt like running away from your life ? Have you ever felt like not seeing anyone; not your bestfriend, none of ur family members, anyone whoever knew you ? Then, you try to find out a place, that you can go and hide.. but the places you plan to go are not how you wanted . And then you commit to suicide, because you cant escape, but then you realize there ain’t no escape.

   I ain’t will be escaped when i suicide . i ain’t know whats gonna happen when i die. Then i feel like im in a cage, because i dont feel free and so many other reasons why i dont feel free.. You know i cant control time or return yesterday even i cant return to one moment ago n i have a death that coming closer and closer but even if i was deathless world will end in 7 billion years, it doesn’t matter how many years the fact is it will disappear as scientists say and i would disappear when it disappears after 7 billion years

       Then i say if i will die then im not real ..?! Real is the constant and the endless one but i have a death. So ok im not real but im talking inside at the moment.. Do not i exist although i talk ? Yes i am not real so i cannot exist.. Thats not true, i exist, ok i convince myself that i have a spirit. Is it the one who can talk and who i call is real existing one inside my body? Not the body but the spirit is real? Because body is not constant, it has a death besides cells change every milliseconds but real and constant one wouldn’t change.. But wait.. spirit is deathless? Oh but i see dead people do not talk. Then where did the spirit go? It’s not real too, i could say but i am real so there must be a place that spirits go after death where we cannot communicate with them.. But we have spirits too, why we can’t talk with deads? It must be because that its stuck in our body , you know body is not real so maybe it blocks us. So what will i do to get my spirit out of my body? So that i could communicate with the dead spirits and get near them because that we would be the same type . But anyway it’s ok  because i will get there somehow, leastways with death. Oh but what if there is a danger? Because i donot know what will happen there in the place where other spirits stay, but this body will die and i won’t have any other choice!!! I should hurry i should find a way and get my spirit out of the my body because maybe i go in danger.. Time’s passing..Oh… im sleepy.. i felt like wtf am i doing here in front of the pc at 00.06? i should sleep tomorrow i should study 6 hours ! :S oh i felt like i wont have an end for a moment… Because everyday i sleep and everyday i wake up.. real is the constant and the endless one but the morning has an end so my logic rules say it is not real? do the logic rules get me to the rights? i mean so the world is not real? becasue Solar, located in the center of the solar system, a medium-sized star that accounts 99.8% of the mass of the Solar System, the belonger of the energy emitted in the form of sunlight, which through photosynthesis make almost the all life on Earth, which has a big effect on Earth's climate and the weather, the sun which occurs from the hot gases and emits radiation as in the form of heat and light , which’s  diameter is the 109 times of Earth's diameter (1.5 million miles), the volume of which is the 1.3 million times of Earth's volume  and weight is 333000 times of Earth's and which’s density is about ¼ of the Earth's density and which is in the star class of G2V which means it has a colour of white that is because it's surface's temperature is about 5780 K , which gets it's energy by the change of the hydrogen nuclei into helium by the fusion, and is in hydrostatic equilibrium, ie, which either grows neither shrinks is losing 4.5 million tonnes by the each passing second by the 600 million tonnes of hydrogen convertation per second to helium as sciencists say…And it will end in 12.4 billion years. So this is the date of the universe’s death.And of course the date of the world’s end too( in max time)...There are different assumptions about universe’s end but none of them is as certain as that we will not see it. Because none of the theory of the 13 billion years old universe says that the death of te universe will be earlier than the current foreseen date of world's death. doesnt matter when. It will end and that means it is not real..there will be an end yes the science here already shows us it is not real and constant because that it has an end and it changes real one wouldnt change.. and also the same science tells us the real must be constant.. the same science tells us to use the logic rules ..  Don’t cells change every milliseconds and i do not do it ! its out of my control . So i cannot say “my” body because as i see it doesn’t belong to me. oh i always thought it was me. Now i see it is not me besides it is not mine!!!  its clearly not mine. Oh i could control it if it was mine and i would tell my cells to stop changing i dont want to change or get old ! Omg i aint wanted to have cells and oh it wasnt in my control to exist too.. There must be someone controlling those……………….Could be there a God !!???? 

07:15 PM Aug 16 2014

englishteacher24/7
United States

Fatmanur, you are to be commended for composing your thoughts in English on this level. You have expressed subject matter that is thought provoking and in your final analysis come to the place to wonder, there must be a God somewhere! Continue to write and take your English to the next level. Congratulations!

07:13 AM Aug 15 2014

Mr. Learner
Peru

@Fatmanur, 

"Learner" is enough :)

01:14 PM Aug 14 2014

fatmanur

fatmanur
Turkey

:)

09:24 AM Aug 14 2014

mekkiziani

mekkiziani
Algeria

I think everything has a beginning has an end, and this is the logical.

09:06 AM Aug 14 2014

fatmanur

fatmanur
Turkey

Thank you learner ( i dono your name :))

03:39 PM Aug 13 2014

Mr. Learner
Peru

Thoughtful and great diary! 

Questioning the universe, and questioning the extince ... That was nice and really interesting.

You have a great writing style. I wasn't able to stop reading .. It was like each line is forcing me to read the other. Maybe because the topic was interesting for me!

I think such a thoughtful post should be read more than once. 

As for me, my logic led me to some results regarding what wrote in this post. The final results that I got are:

  1. I'm relativly free.
  2. And yeah .. There is a God. 

Thank you

And keep it up

02:22 AM Aug 13 2014

famouscake

famouscake
Algeria

oh you are so genius and you study medicine so clearly you are smart..

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