i need your suggestions!

Recently, i am completely lost and confused!

maybe my trouble seems to be stupid, but it has and will continue to trouble me, i really need help. i have a boyfriend who i met him on the internet about four years ago. We chated each other just like friends, but at that time all of my roommates had boyfriends, so they persuaded me to look for a boyfriend…. so i decided to let him act as my boyfriend without consideration. because i think he is very kind, and i just wanted a boyfriend and i never think what will happen later.

Then he became my boyfriend, but i was in wuhan, he was in jiangsu, so everyday we talked and met through telephone and QQ. Gradually, i was to be mature, i knowed i don't love him, but i don't know how to tell him, i was afraid i will hurt him. So we continued to keep this relationship. Four years later i graduated. i came to jiangsu to keep my promise.

i know he loves me, though i don't love him, but i never betray him. Several months later, i found a job as project assistant. In this company, i made a lot of new friends. Because we were all young and just graduated from college, we often joined in activities together, had dinners and went to KTV together. Gradually, i found a boy among them loveed me, i declined him without any consideration…... we are be friend again.

But my boyfriend hated me having dinners or playing with my colleagues. Every time, i would quarrel with him about this matter. i was very tired of quarrelling with him. I didn't know why, but I knew he hope i am stay at home with him all the time, but it was impossible for me to stay at home all along. i needed to make new friends, i needed to join in kinds of activities.

So many times i wanted to tell him if he always quarreled with me about this matter. i think we'd better break our relationship. but at last i gave up and closed my mouth.

So my biggest trouble is:how to deal with this relationship between my boyfriend and me? should i break this relationship, because i don't love him, maybe just like him?

Thank you in advance!

Hello! My little girl.I really understand with your promblem.Are you afriad of him?Is he scare you? If you want to be his friend please dare to tell him the truth if you take a long time he'll sure with you.Please let him make a new girlfriend before it's too late.Don't worry.Take it easy the sky will become clear soon. I used to be like you now when I was young.This time is your good time to choose any best one guy to be your honey till the end of your life.Are you o"k",now?Merry Christmas and Happy New Year.See you when you need.

Thank you for your kind suggestions!

He doesn't scare me now, but sometimes i am afraid that he will scare me if i really marry him.

I don't dare to tell him is because i afraid of hurting him, or maybe i don't dare to find another one,  because i don't know another one is a good man or bad one. i cannot explain the reason clearly.

if i don't go out with others, he is very kind and almost tries to do anything if only i ask him to do.

So i often think maybe it's my fault.I need to bear it.

For minora  2006:

Thank you!

I know what you mean, I also know i should tell him, but just like what you said, situation is complicated now. it is difficult for me.

i want to try to persuade him, and to certain extent change him. But if I fail, i will leave him.

Dear Loretta, you have to overcome your fear, you have to do it, you have to end it right now, this is a storm you have to go through.  It's going to hurt for both of you, but you will ruin his life as well as yours if you keep going with this relationship.  He deserves to find someone who really loves him and you….. you need to find the love of your life, every woman does.

_Ale

dear lorette,

your relationship with your man is not healthy. you keep on bearing the pain and so much troubles being with him. its unfair to the guy that you keep on giving him too much expectations.  

to lessen your burden and fears. end it as soon as possible. as you let the time pass by, you letting yourself also in danger and trouble…

give him up… its not only you who suffer.. the guy suffer the most. 

Dear Loretta,

        we can't tell you how to deal with it. All  we can do is to tell you what we think about it.

        All of us can't  keep such a relationship like this if one of the couple doesn't have the true feelings. If not, It then will become harmful to both of u (Though he loves you,being cheated is also hurted). Maybe he is happy and enjoys the life with you,but you must make it clear that , all these are on the basis of your love placed on him.