Domestic violence against women in the West!!

We must notice that such violence, which goes beyond human limits and dimensions, is not exercised by illiterate people who live in the countryside somewhere, nor in the poorest areas. Conversely, such abuse is practiced by slick men like those who appear in Hollywood who are in some cases well educated having high social status. It is exercised against weak women, regardless how fine they may appear to be … after returning to their homes; they become nothing more than slaves under the effect of lash of humility and violence.



We will limit our talk to domestic violence against women in the west, and we will prove by numbers that the humiliated woman is not the one who lives in Afghanistan and wears her face cover. We will illustrate that such woman is not the one from the Arabian Peninsula, who is in fact well protected and honored in a community that calls for her respect. Real degrade and vulgarity is that which makes a woman cheap merchandise just like any other tradable good, and made her subject to attacks and all types of oppression and inequity.

well, you were talking about domestic violence against women, and after reading your posts i haven't found anything new except the same old pattern – people from Pakistan blaming US for who knows what situation in the Middle East and people trying to say – hey guys, Islam is better than western poor law, and the Islam was the solution to bring women on the same position with men.

actually, you are talking and accusing the freedom from the western world, and at a certain extent you are right. nowadays, the western society has some parts to heal concerning the morality. but this doesn't go only with the media which sells porn and anything for money, it also goes with the politic class and with the religion. what you don't understand is that the freedom of the western women has not developed in time from the times when women were slaves until nowadays when the women choose their destiny. were the women slaves in the Roman world? or where they in ancient Egypt? No. The truth is that different social level of organization have brought different treatments and positions for women.    

i disagree that a law which has its roots so close to religion can be useful in a society. i mean, if you put the treatment of women so close to what a certain Prophet said or to a certain holly text than you may have problems (take that girl from Afghanistan who was subject to aggression by adults who poured some sort of a chemical substance on her face because she was going to school..  ). some of you suggest that women have a better life in the Muslim world, actually suggesting that Islam it's the best religion to shape a society. well, the law of people should have its roots first in morality, which may come from religion but also from human wisdom. so, it's enough for a certain Prophet to say "You love the others as you love yourself". If he goes deeper, then people start to interpret everything, and you have problems. 

To sum up..women were and are still subject to domestic violence. That's why are laws made. The freedom from the west which actually puzzles some folks here comes from women being integrated in economy. And that's your problem, and it's something you cannot stop. Women will enter in the economy in the areas where nowadays they stay at home, these are facts. The rest it's simply evolution..

I would like to comment on The freedom from the west which actually puzzles some folks here comes from women being integrated in economy.

For most of the time since having children, I have not worked. But for some of the time I did have to work. Therefore I feel I have something to say about this statement.

I didn't feel as though I had more freedom by working.  You might say I had more freedom than a woman who is not allowed outside of her house on her own, but in some ways I had less freedom. I missed out on some things.

I think freedom does not have to be equated to employment or being involved in the economy. I am studying in my free time so that I can work in immigration advice or a related area. I don't want to be part of the economy.

Some women in the 'west' say they can't afford to take time off to be with their children, or they can't leave their career to have a baby at all. This is ok if it is their choice.

I think the important thing about freedom is that women are able to live the life they want to, and I still don't think you can say one region has freedoms for women and another does not. It is about how you define freedom.  And not all muslim or non-western women are at home. Many work. Look at the women who are working long hours in sweatshops in India – they don't have freedom to be at home with their families, they are locked in a factory all hours, even when they are pregnant. That's integrating women into the economy, but it does  not sound like freedom to me.

Domestic abuse can happen to women in the west who work, so therefore being integrated into the economy isn't the answer, or the only answer, in stopping it.

I still don't think some of us have moved beyond the simplistic 'clash of cultures' misconceptions yet.

Yes, we can learn from each other. Blink I think you give us some very useful and accurate information, thankyou very much. I think education is so important, but I think education, including at schools and from the media, is often biased – it only looks at things from the view of our own culture, and our own point in time. This is what I find here anyway.

And you are so right about the interpretation of the scriptures. We can all take a piece of writing, or listen to somone talking (not just about religion, but anything) and we might all take a different interpretation, because what we read or hear might have different meanings to us, because we have different backgrounds and experiences. We will be influenced by things we have already been told, even if they were not true. 

I don’t think that different social level of organization have brought different treatments and positions for women, or the freedom comes after women bein integrated in economy. The solution lies in Morals and values.

Many crises ( for example: domestic violence against women) are not of a materialistic nature, as they appear to be, but are rather of a moral one as a result of the devastation of the whole value system either on the level of the rulers or the citizens themselves. I do not neglect also some important factors.

You can’t ignore that many values are essential to the advancement of any nation such as the value of  seriousness and perfection in work, loyalty to one's nation, justice, mutual respect among people, word of honor, compassion, sacrifice, courage, modesty, appreciation of beauty and cleanliness, and so on. These values have been lost in our Islamic nation wich led to a terrible state of moral vacuum.

You can apply as many laws as you want to stop domestic violence against women, but all these laws will fail just because they are not supported by a strong value system to make it viable and you will not be able to accomplish the constitutional except through the moral.

It is easy to challenge laws, but it is impossible for a true believer who has faith in God and the Hereafter to wrong others as lang as he is aware that Go dis watching over him and will judge him for every minute mistake they do.
Can you tell me who is the responsible for the disappearance of family and community ties, and for moral degradation and for the decline of eternal values ?

To overcome a problem of any kind we need laws to establish civilized societies and regulate the relationship amongst citizens and between the rulers and citizens themselves to be based on respected rights and responsibilities. We need also application in order to put the laws into effect. Law+ Application= success.

It will be wise to try to undersatand each other rather than disagree

Allah Almighty said : « Have no fear of people; fear Me. » Surah 33, This verse is one of so many important other verses that give women the right of self-supervision. In the abusive mindset, all of these verses ( the one I mentioned and the verses mentioned by Matrix) and Hadith are ignored, and males misquote two specific verses and one Hadith to justify complete control of females. The worst interpretations go so far as to assert that a woman is mentally, emotionally, psychologically, and spiritually permanently disabled, and is prone to immorality, putting her in constant need of male supervision.

These interpretations are even used by non-Muslims to slander Islam. Under no circumstances is violence against women encouraged or allowed. The holy Qur'an contains tens of verses extolling good treatment of women. Several specifically enjoin kindness to women (2:229-237; 4:19; 4:25). These verses make it clear that the relationship between men and women is to be one of kindness, mutual respect, and caring. Some verses, where Allah calls men and women "protecting friends of one another," refer to the mandated atmosphere of mutual kindness and mercy in the marital home (30:21; 9:71).

Others show disapproval of oppression or ill treatment of women. Surah two, ayah 231 condemns taking women back after a separation in order to hurt them; Surah four, ayah 15 specifies taking an oath against a wife rather than doing violence to her if a husband suspects adultery; Surah four, ayah 19 prohibits forces marriages; Surah four, ayah 29 prohibits deliberately causing a wife suspense or insecurity; Surah five, ayah 92 removes the legal effect from oaths against wives made in anger; and Surah 17, ayat 90-91 require the fulfillment of oaths, verbal agreements, and commitments. Even in the case of divorce, spouses are instructed to bring an arbiter from each side of the family to attempt reconciliation (4:35). If this fails, the instruction is to get back together with dignity and fairness, or to part on good terms (2:229 and 231).

Anyone who violates the limits set by Allah is labeled a "transgressor" in the Qur'an. Added to these verses is the inescapable fact that the Prophet vehemently disapproved of men hitting their wives, and that he never in his entire life lit any woman or child. In the Prophet's last sermon, he exhorted men to "be kind to women-you have rights over your wives, and they have rights over you." He also said, "Treat your women well, and be kind to them, for they are your partners and committed helpers," and at a different time, he said, "The strong man is not the one who can use the force of physical strength, but the one who controls his anger" (Bukhari).

To end domestic violence in our Islamic nation, Muslim women need to improve their knowledge of their own faith, and then reclaim their right to define themselves in the light of the Qur'an and the Sunnah, instead of by customary practices, traditions, extremist viewpoints, or those who believe Muslim women need to be saved from themselves. Families need to maintain open lines of communication between all of their members; regular family meetings where everyone is allowed to express themselves without any recriminations are helpful. Marriage must be seen as a partnership, and marriage contracts should specify a commitment to an abuse, free and violence-free family. The parents must ask of their children only that which is good and which conforms to Qur'anically based concepts. Extended families must stop covering up abuse, violence, and incest in the name of "preserving the family honor." Above all, the family, like the individual must keep Allah as its focus.

domestic violence doesnt to be accepted in any place of the world. We,  Women have to be courageous and learn how to defend ourselves and not let us to be humilliated for noone in this world…

best wishes for your children, otoozki!

hmm..but you get me wrong. my point of view was theoretical, and i was suggesting to start to see the bigger picture. i'm not saying that freedom comes directly from women's integration into the economy..that's nonsense. i'm saying that this freedom comes from some certain social changes which came from this integration. i can give you piecharts whatever you want and you'll see that the employment of women across the Middle East would bring serious social mutations..maybe here you'll find this "freedom" which we were talking about. so my idea was that this "freedom" is accused by some people from the Muslim world (and they are right when we're talking about ..money and sex..). But i will go further and say that not only this kind of "domestic violence" could be adressed with more transparency but also terrorism and other sorts of conflicts. And together with women's integration into the economy, the creation of jobs for those around 200 millions young people could lead also to these social changes. 

somebody said that no matter how many laws would be enacted and no matter how these laws would be applied, violence against women will always be a real fact and that only a religious approach can eliminate this bad thing. well..i disagree..violence against women is just the same with the violence against other people. i haven't seen any religion that could provide the necessary wisdom to its followers so they could be called peaceful people..and i haven's seen any religion that teaches its followers that men are superior to women and therefore they are not equal.. 

according to the last study for " the Egyption national center for social recearch" showed that 38% of men exposed to attack from their wifes .........and now we have an orgnization to defend for the men rights ...called " the deemed weak on the earth"..... ....

it is a true not a joke Otozooki...

otozooki, where r u?

Hi, Osesame! (sorry you find me at a very busy time)! Thankyou so much for asking for me … I feel really honoured that you look for me. x

I know that domestic violence isn't a joke … you will be interested in this news clip …

http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/8034901.stm

It was on my regional news 3 days ago. A woman got 7 years in prison for attacking her fiance.

Here a lot of people don't understand about this issue, but they say on the news that 40% of domestic abuse cases are men. But most of us would automatically think only of women on this topic I think.

I think it must be hard for a man to admit this kind of thing. To be honest, I am a bit ignorant about it too. I find it hard to understand how a man can be a victim, but I suppose it is the same as for a woman – a lot of it is down to the victim accepting the situation, and loving their attacker and having low self esteem/blaming themselves? But surely a man would be strong enough to fight back in self defense?

I don't understand much about this issue, I would like to see what the men here have to say.