What would you say to a person who lacks the necessary self confidence?

Imagine the following situation: You know someone who is very insecure and for other people it’s easy to prevent her from fulfilling her dreams. For example they tell her that she is not good enough to achieve what she wants to achieve and thus she listens to them which forcibly results in the fact that she never tries something new and always doubts herself. In the end she’s always angry with herself for listening to them and staying passive.

What will you tell her?

For example:

I will tell her not to listen to those who make her have these selfdoubts. If she really wants to achieve this and she is sure that it’s at least worth a try, then she should at least give it a try. Why shouldn’t you try something you still want to do after thinking through all the possible consequences?

(P.S. Of course this idea of mine doesn’t work for plans to hurt others. You should never think about hurting others. This could only be excused in extreme situations, like when self-defence is required immediately, because your vis-à-vis is something like a murderer.)

I would suggest to her that her self-doubt might be a symptom of depression.  She should consider seeing a clinical behavioral therapist, who if necessary could also recommend she take anti-depressant medication like Zoloft, Wellbutrin or Prozac, among others.  Therapy could really help her view the world in a new way that is more confident and hopeful.

We are very lucky to live in an age where mental health is taken seriously.  People suffering from depression, anxiety, and insecurity have resources that they can reach out to to become better.  We are not alone anymore. 

I think what you would say to her is also something she needs to hear, Dorothee.  I’m just contributing another thought.

Self confidence started  in the childhood , it's all about good experiences  and encourage/ support of family  especially parents.

I think that she should do things that she good at…. Even simple things that will makes her feel better when she will feel better the self confidence will return to her

She must full her time with a hubby or classes that she like , and always be in movement .

I think that she need a good friend to support her and to give her positive reinforcement ,

About fulfilling her dreams: she can start with putting a picture in her room , of the thing that she badly want , think about it , and the way that she gona get it..Its work I'm doing it all the time.

Stay away from people that makes her feel bad.

I thank all of you for the pieces of advice you already posted in here. It’s good to see that meanwhile psychological problems like that are taken seriously in a lot of countries – this used to be different some decades ago.

However I have to comment on the piece of advice to stay away from people who make one feel bad: This only works if the people who make you feel this way are neither your relatives, nor your friends. Of course you sure have bad friends if they really try to make you have self doubts and I always feel sympathy for people whose parents prevent their children from fulfilling socially acceptable dreams, but still…Things like these happen!

I would tell her not to be stupid like me …

pure heart
ed,

So you once made that mistake, too? I know this happens especially to young girls. Boys usually don’t know this feeling, but it’s psychologically proven that girls can be stopped far easier than boys. If you try to force your opinion on a boy by telling him that he won’t succeed in what he’s up to and that he should try something else instead, he usually will do it nevertheless – to prove what a great guy he is. If the very same thing happens to a girl – especially if she is as insecure as the one in my example – she may be convinced of the other person’s opinion and listen to her vis – a – vis instead of listening to herself.

P.S. Of course this isn’t only a matter of the gender, but it’s also about how someone spent the first two decades of his or her life. It’s also proven that in Germany - and perhaps in some other nations, too – infant boys usually get more attention than girls. This first impression of life may be important, too. At least I think so, but I’m not a psychologist anyway…

I would tell him that you deserve to love yourself more than that and  you should ignore what people say about you as when people saw someone confident they like him  and when you told him that you don`t have a self confidence they have pity on you while we all have a lack of self confidence sometimes but some of us pretend that they don`t so  try to pretend that you are self confident more than any one in the world and people will like you the most and be sure that you will find someone who will love  you  :)

 i would told him her that  to  accept the challenge with those
and  to Prove     to them that u can

I saw a TV program about 6 years ago but I still remember it. It was about a Japanese mechanical engineer, he’s worked on a machine for about 7 years, during those years he’s sucked many times but hasn’t quitted. finally he got a great success. this kind of success stories is very helpful to hearten somebody I guess.