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Life Talk!

do you have short funny story ? pls share

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Jordan



There was a farmer who raised watermelons. He was disturbed by some local kids who would sneak into his watermelon patch at night and eat watermelons.


After some careful thought he came up with a clever idea that he thought would scare the kids away for sure. So he made up the sign and posted it in the field. The next day the kids show up and they see this sign, it says “Warning!! One of the watermelons in this field has been injected with cyanide.”


So the kids run off, make up their own sign and post it next to the sign that the farmer made. The farmer shows up the next week and when he looks over the field he notices that no watermelons are missing but he notices a new sign next to his. He drives up to the sign which read: “Now there are two”.Smile

02:29 PM Jul 31 2011 |

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Jordan

another one 



A hat-seller who was passing by a forest decided to take a nap under one of the trees, so he left his whole basket of hats by the side. A few hours later, he woke up and realized that all his hats were gone.



He looked up and to his surprise, the tree was full of monkeys and they had taken all his hats. He sits down and thinks of how he can get the hats down.



While thinking he started to scratch his head. The next moment, the monkeys were doing the same. Next, he took down his own hat, the monkeys did exactly the same. An idea came to him, he took his hat and threw it on the floor and the monkeys did that too. So he finally managed to get all his hats back.



Fifty years later, his grandson, john, also became a hat-seller and had heard this monkey story from his grandfather. One day, just like his grandfather, he passed by the same forest. It was very hot, and he took a nap under the same tree and left the hats on the floor.



He woke up and realized that all his hats were taken by the monkeys on the tree. He remembered his grandfather?s words, started scratching his head and the monkeys followed. He took down his hat and fanned himself and again the monkeys followed. Now, very convinced of his grandfather’s idea, john threw his hat on the floor but to his surprise, the monkeys still held on to all the hats.


Then one monkey climbed down the tree, grabbed the hat on the floor, gave him a slap and said to him “You think only you have a grandfather ?!!!” Smile

02:46 PM Jul 31 2011 |

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Jordan

A woman awakes during the night to find that her husband was not in


bed. She puts on her robe and goes downstairs to look for him. She finds him sitting at the kitchen table with a cup of coffee in front of him. He appears to be in deep thought, just staring at the wall. She watches as he wipes a tear from his eye and takes a sip of his coffee.


“What’s the matter, dear?” she whispers as she steps into the room.” Why are you down here at this time of night?


“The husband looks up from his coffee, “Do you remember 20 year ago When we were dating, and you were only 16?” he asks solemnly.


“Yes I do” she replies. 


The husband pauses; the words were not coming easily.” Do you remember when your father came to know about us…..........?


””Yes, I remember” said the wife, lowering herself into a chair beside him


The husband continued… “Do you remember when he shoved the shotgun in my face? 


And said, either you marry my daughter, or I’ll send you to jail for 20 years?


”. “I remember that too” she replied softly.


He wiped another tear from his cheek and said, “I would have been released todaySmile

03:02 PM Jul 31 2011 |

hellbent

Italy

The Lion and The Frog.


There was a lion in a forest. It was sleeping under a tree near a pond. Suddenly a noise was heared. The lion was disturbed by the noise. It awake from its sleep.


The noise was continuously coming from the pond. So the lion was annoyed as it was not able to sleep. There was frog in the pond. The lion came to know the frog has made the noise. It roared at the frog and the frog was frightened. It angrily jumped into the pond to catch the frog. Then the frog realised its mistake and tried to escape from the lion. But the lion caught the frog and killed it.


MORAL : Don’t play with the leaders

10:08 AM Aug 01 2011 |

Julie3

Julie3

Russian Federation

A funny story told by my friend from Turkey:


Temel was in a restaurant. He saw a man sitting next to him. Temel asked: – Are you Japanese? Man answered: -No -OK.  Temel said. A few minutes later he asked again: -Sir, are you Japanese?  The man was a little angry he spoke loudly: -Noo. I am not. -OK.  Temel said again but a few minutes later he asked the same question. The man got mad and shouted: – I said NO, are you deaf?   Temel didn’t say anything but a few minutes later asked the same question again. The man was getting crazy but he decided to say yes or this guy wouldn’t stop asking this question. He said: – Yes. I am Japanese. Temel laughed and said: – Very interesting, you really don’t look like a Japanese! :)

01:46 AM Aug 02 2011 |

Julie3

Julie3

Russian Federation

One more:


“ Temel was a vampire. He was in balcony of a very high flat in a very high building with his other vampire friends. They could see all the city from yhe balcony. One of them asked:


- Do you think who of us is a most successful vampire?


Another vampire is said:


- Let’s try to prove our success, if who drinks much more blood than other he is going to win.


The other vampires said “OK”


First vampire jumped and flew over the city and then disappeared. A few minutes later he came back. His face was bloody. Other vampires asked:


- What happened?


He showed them the city and asked:


- Can you see that yellow building next to post office? The others said:


- Yes, we can. Fist vampire continued:


- In that yellow building on the second floor there was a family with a mom, a dad and 2 kids. I drank their all blood.


Then second vampire jumped and flew over the city and disappeared. He came back a few minutes later. His face was also bloody. Other vampire asked:


- What happened? He showed them the city and asked:


- Can you see that red building behind the hospital? Others said:


- Yes! He continued:


- In that building on the first floor there was a big family. A mom, a dad and 4 kids. I drank their all blood.


Then third vampire jumped and flew and came back a few minutes later. His face was also bloody but more than others. His face looked a little bad. Others asked:


- What happened? He asked them:


- Can you see that White building opposite the hospital? Others said:


- Yes, we see. He continued:


- In that building on the third floor there was a very big family. Grandparents, parents and 5 childreen. I drank their all blood. The others said:


- Wooow!


Then Temel jumped and flew. And he also came back a few minutes later. His face was bloody but much more than others. He looked terrible. The otheres wondered they asked:


- What happened? Temel showed them the city and spoke hardly:


- Can you see that high building in the middle of the city? The others said:


- Yes, of course! Temel said:


- I couldn’t see J

01:49 AM Aug 02 2011 |

Julie3

Julie3

Russian Federation

and the last one:


Temel was an astronaut. He was working for NASA. He was waiting for his first task. Finally, NASA gave him a task and sent him to International Space Station with a monkey, and gave him 2 envelopes. One included missions of the monkey and another one included missions of Temel. First, Temel read missions of the monkey. Using the space ship, contacting NASA, using the computers and making all experiments were the monkey’s mission. Temel was surprised. He thought, if that monkey has all of these missions, his missions should be more and complicated. Then he read his missions. There was only one sentnece ” Take a good care of the monkey” :)

01:50 AM Aug 02 2011 |

engteacher

Australia

i m married and have a baby,,im learning many new things from him..he alwasy makes me laugh..and today he is starting walking in his small car..and when i was in the kitchen, i wondered what he is doing in the living room. and i came to look up him to the living room. and i saw that he was in front of the big mirror in the room and looking himself. It was really funny because he was very surprised while looking himself.. i wanted to share this with you…

06:25 PM Aug 02 2011 |

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Jordan

thanks Julie3 i like the stories of japanese and astronaut so funny ,thanks engteacher , how old your child is ? thanks ryo,dolphin_matin and hellbent


Smile


A professor in the science of English grammar undertook a sea voyage. 


During the voyage, he asked the sailor whether knew anything of the science of grammar.


The sailor replied that he did not. 


“Then you have lost one half of your life” said the professor. 


Later, a violent storm blew out. Wind and waves swept and tossed the vessel


like a feather, and the small ship was about to sink.


The sailor came near the grammarian and asked him, “Do you know how to swim, sir?” 


The grammarian replied sadly that he did not.


The sailor smiled and said to him, “Then you have lost all your life”.

08:40 PM Aug 03 2011 |

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Jordan

When Temel’s donkey was missing, Temel kept saying: “thank God!” People asked him, why he thanked God when he had lost his donkey. Temel replied: “I thank God for not being on the donkey when it went missing, otherwise I would have become missing as well.”

09:09 PM Aug 03 2011 |

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Jordan

One day, a man is called Joha was up a tree. He was cutting a branch to use on his fire. His neighbour came out of his house and saw Joha in the tree. He realised immediately that Joha was cutting the branch he was sitting on.


“Be careful Joha. The branch will fall and you’ll hurt yourself badly” said the neighbour.


“I’m all right” said Joha and continued cutting the branch, so the man went back to his house. A few seconds later,


Joha cut through the branch and it fell to the ground. Joha fell ,too, and hurt himself badly. He lay on the ground


thinking.


“It’s amazing. My neighbour said that the branch would fall and it fell. He said that I would hurt myself and I hurt


myself” he thought. He got up and ran to the door of the neighbour’s house. He knocked hard and the man came quickly.


“Wise neighbour” said Joha. “You see the future. Tell me. When will I die”

09:31 PM Aug 03 2011 |