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Choosing Sides

Zero Conditional

Date: Jan 17 2012

Themes: Friend, Romance

Grammar: Zero Conditional

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Intro

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When two of your friends break up, it can be hard to remain close with both of them. Instead of hanging out with them as a couple, you have to find time to be with each of them separately. And if the break up was a painful one, you might have to listen to both sides complain about the other person.

Two of Amy’s good friends recently broke up. Will she be able to avoid choosing sides? Maybe Ella has some helpful advice.

Dialog

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Amy

Ella

Amy: These two friends of mine who’ve been in a relationship for like four years just broke up, and now we feel…My husband and I, who’s also their friend, we kind of feel like we have to choose. And if we’re having a party or something, it’s sort of awkward to invite both, so, you know, which one do you invite? It’s really kinda tough.

Ella: That is a difficult decision. Because you kinda want to be there for both if you’re equally close to them, and keep in touch. But, I don’t know, I always try to stay like Switzerland. I always want to be neutral in every situation. But sometimes that’s not possible, like at all.

Amy: Definitely. And it’s hard not to sympathize the most with the one who got dumped, you know? The person who…Especially if it was, you know, over anything bad, like if one person behaved badly, it’s really hard not to take sides.

Ella: Yeah, I always have to pick the side, even if I don’t agree, with the one that’s closer to me. Like if it’s a girlfriend, even though she cheated on her boyfriend, I’ll still have to side with her.

Amy: Really?

Ella: Yeah.

Amy: I have to say, though, I’ve been on the other side, too, where I lost friends after breaking up with somebody. And it really sucks. It really hurt my feelings.

Ella: Choosing sides. It’s never easy.

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Discussion

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Two of Amy’s friends recently broke up. Now she is having a hard time remaining close with both of them. She doesn’t want to choose sides, but trying to stay friends with both of them has created some awkward situations.

Ella says that when two of her friends break up, she tries to stay neutral and not choose sides. But if she was already closer to one member of the couple, she has to remain loyal to that person, even if they caused the break up by acting badly.

Amy says that it’s hard for her not to side with the person who got dumped, because she always feels bad for them. But she once lost friends after breaking up with someone, so she knows how hurtful that can be.

Have you ever had to choose sides because two of your friends broke up?

Comments

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Sir_pouria_H

Iran, Islamic Republic Of

In a break up both sides are blameful. Perhaps one side more and the other less.

I think reminding them what good times they had together will help them to forgive each other.

Consider this sentence” Life is not a problem that we should solve it.Just is a present that we should enjoy it”.This sentence solve most of our quarrels with each other.

Maria del Alba

Spain

When i was younger i was a lot of times forced to choose sides between friends. It is very difficult because neither of them often were right and it is impossible to be unbias; but at the end, you have to choose one because if not, the atmosphere gets awkward because both start to try to convince you they are right and the other not; so it is impossible to deal with this situation forever.

I’ve been too some times in the situation Amy describes when you broke up with somebody and the friend of him didnt keep in touch with you, even to say ‘hello’. I find it unfair since you haven’t done any bad to them, but at the end…the closer friendship remains and it is always an unbiased decision to make.

Nakul

India

No, I have never had to choose the side actually….. but if it comes to me then i will choose side of truth after listening to both sides as I believe in truth… even if my friend, who is closer to me than the other, is wrong, i won’t choose his side….justice is justice..i think that we must be the side of truth even if situation is not as per our expectation…. it’s not that we don’t love friends and we don’t want to take side of our friends..it’s not like that actually…. but the actual thing is this that if he is our real friend he would accept what we will say to him and he will not do anything wrong which hurts us…. we can make him understand

There are only two ways of making the friends and keeping the relationship good.. either be what ur friend wants you to be or make him what you want him to be… nothing else

julito

Argentina

Butta, I am glad for what you did. You are a brave woman,otherwise cowardice on your part would be to wash your hands like Poncio Pilato and let that woman continue with her wrongdoing.

msandal@biltim.com.tr

Turkey

When I was at university, I have broke up my girl friend after 3 years. All of our friends were same. It was realy hard situations, I have lost many good friends because of this status !!!

julito

Argentina

Nfrtary. You are a strong woman,you will get it over it . It could be that he wasn´t meant to you, and real love will come your way in the future. we will be very happy to hear that

AUL

Azerbaijan

It is really very difficult situation and as everybody i never would like to be in such situation. if i were i didnt choose any side

i prefer to listen each side and decide who is wrong then to try to understand wrong side may be she/he has reason for it anyway then i’ll try to explain wrong side his/her mistake but being tactfull because i can hurt and she/he can think i love other side much more

Nakul

India

There are only two ways of making the friends and keeping the relationship good.. either be what ur friend wants you to be or make him what you want him to be… nothing else

weah44

Sudan

i am behave with all friends according to my rules (( be fiathfull and fair with all )) even if somebody break up with other one , as he did not break up with me i am still his friend ,

nida faraz

Pakistan

its good thing, if they broke their relationship why we breake friendship with any one of them

nfrtary

Egypt

thanx sweet hear tila i`ll do it of course and i`ll make your advice in front of my eyes all the time.

thanks sister for your support allwayes you encourage me

tila17

Indonesia

Dear Duaa El-Gohary (nfrtary), just believe in Allah my dearest sister. Allah knows what’s better for human. Perhaps, he has his own reason to get dumped with you. There is always sunshine behind the clouds, many lessons you can take from such experience. Don’t worry sister, Allah is emptying your hands to receive a better thing. Stay happy, cheer up!

tila17

Indonesia

Choosing sides is never good since you don’t know what exactly happened so it’s much better not to get involved in such situation. Even if one of them belongs to your buddy and you know her/ him well, you can’t make sure that s(he) is in the right side for this matter. Fortunately, I’ve never been in this circumstance.

easyyang

China

you dont need to make such a decision to choose side, you can also be their friend. just aviod to invite the broken couple to the same party! unless they force you to choose one. it won’t happen in most events.

even you meet them at the same party, you can still say hello to any of them. both of your friend need their old friend. their breaking up is their own business.

nfrtary

Egypt

i broke up with my boyfriend after 6 years with him i don`t know what happen to get dumped i think he didn`t love me so he decide to left me really it`s hurtful tooooooo much espicially it`s out of the blue and i never expected it from him so i was shocked and got sick for some days to realise what happen and what i make to desserve to be left i don`t know what he said to me i realise we couldn`t continue with each other and i asked him thi matter you descover it after 6 years and after we engaged really life not fair

about our friends who in coomon they take my side cause they saw what i didn`t deserve that but i didn`t like this reaction from them i wanna them be neutral and didn`t say his name or any story belong to him in front of ne that`s what i want from them but fortuanttly they can`t till today they keep talk about him i know they love me and they don`t know how much i suufer when they talk about him but i can`t also tell them enough you hurt my fellings so take care and stop talking about him so what i decide every single day that i must go far for short for short time to can be good without them

i know i am strong girl and i can fix it by time and come back to my normal life

emi0808

Philippines

i never have an experience about that kind of situation. but if ever that happen it doesnt matter who’s wrong and right. as a friend i will help them to work it out no matter what the problem is because I know in every problem there will always a solution. is that make sense? :)

nfrtary

Egypt

i am totally agree wiyh amy we must be neutral and dont`t take someone side because it`ll hurt the other and not gain good result we really julito right may be someday they come back and mend their relation up in this case the onle one he will wrong it`s me because it take someone side

choosing side totally wrong

julito

Argentina

Third parties, beware ,slippery terrain. This is a situation I wouldn´t like to be involved with. I might try to listen to both sides and advice them to seek help from a counselor, sometimes couples broke up and after a time they mend their relationship up , What would be my situation with one of them ,should I had chosen sides on this case.