Does it Modus ???

Thanks to god for all of the blessings so I can stand around the strong people who gives me know every times when I get such difficulties they brave me and push me up so that I can take a breath and give more space in my brain. Then I became alive and realized I must be the one lucks. I see that god has another planning to my life, God must has a nice thing to myself and I'm pretty believe in God. One thing certainly I'll be proud someday cuz I've made a moment in my age when they haven't gotten the same things yet as mine. Maybe they have stepped 5 feet earlier than me, They have their own way to reach their desires but I have my own way, I reached something that they don't understand but I'm gonna know more that they have known. It is not called "Modus" but it's life and our choice. Somehow They're always be proud of their way and spend their time only for joyful, It's their life and it's  none of my business, sometimes I get myself so envy seems like I'm underneath and God has never be fair to me. Life is right and I'm the false one ! I always act as though I were the one who can accept these conditions in fact I'm nothing ! I've been trying to be brave and hide my ambitions to conquer the time. I was lost control and got myself kinda boring. What's success ? Is it money ? Is it Car ? Why the hell does everyone think material is the benchmarks of being Success ?! I'm surfeited ! This life full of shits I can't drive it but it drives me crazy !! I wish that day I could change everything abruptly, then everyone could see me that I was be able to made something nice although I'd to cry up all night cuz of my mistakes, it's no big deal to take off my weakness at once there's step by step to change everything better. We need to sigh for a moment, do not need to force ourselves hardly to be changed. Let it goes on as well as our mind wants, But...................................... Don't let your mind drives your mini heart cuz everything would be blinded. It's so sly I've been misled and nobody knows, I've tried to shout out and asked for their helps seems like nobody recognized who I was. If I'm louder would you see me ???? They will think I'm the one who gets oaf weaker either liar. I'm tired of being single ! I'm board of the times which judge me ! I hate something creepy, even I hate myself for being dumb, so God please bless my heart. Life gives me more learning, Life is complicated sometimes but Life is awesome :) <3