Sea-gull's blog

China

Ideal world is poison

January 17, 2009

I wondered if any scary magic happened to me at the time I walked into the high school.Everyting now in real world is quite different from the one I imagined before.The influence I had in middle school disappeared because of my negative mind,I'm now lacking of competitive brain,it was all because of my middle school,I was a girl fulling of energy and confidence,but the developing room in that school was so limited that I became lossed,I always believed I had enough abilities to let others admireme.That was right before,now it's rubbish.However,I have lost so much and I couldn't get them back.Now I'm so ordinary that I think I'll die,if I had no relatives and responsibilities I'dlike to die,but my mom has paid all of her attentions to me,I haven't rewarded her yet.
I'm really bemused about my tomorrow now,what I expect is not a bewildered life but an ideal world in perfect shape.I can't suit fhe situation here,I think I'll be crazy and be sent to hospital one day.I've run out of ideas to highten my marale but nothing works.
Now I do beg for one great chance and fair judge .The most important is a good luck.
What makes me so bewildered is my ideal life,so ideal is really poison.