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Paragraph writing

Kanivatonga

New Zealand

Is this paragraph correct grammartically and make sense in English?


During the ceremony Valerie smilingly greeted the family gathering  with exciting facial expressions as she was up on the stage  at a well prepared table of rich Tongan foods surrounded by his immediate families and friends.

11:30 AM Feb 13 2013 |

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Teacher AmySuper Member!

United States

Hello,


I can follow the meaning of the paragraph, but it contains some errors. First of all, it’s a “run on” sentence, meaning it either needs to be divided up with commas or broken up into several sentences. Also, remember that if you have a female subject, then “her” is the possessive. I also wonder if you mean “excited” rather than “exciting”? Someone who is excited feels anticipation and joy about what is happening, while someone who is exciting is making others feel that way. Do you want to look into my comments above and try rewriting the paragraph and sending it back?


Best,


Amy

09:38 PM Feb 13 2013 |