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Learn English meaning of manners

Date: Apr 13 2015

Themes: Family, Friend

Grammar: Gerunds vs. Infinitives

Intro

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From a very young age, many of us are taught to be polite and to have good manners. We are told to be on our best behavior when we have visitors in our home, or when we are in other people’s homes. But just because we are expected to be nice doesn’t mean that everyone has manners.

Some people might have bad manners because no one told them what’s OK or not OK to say around others. It’s difficult to tell someone that their behavior is bad. Would you want to tell someone that?

Gary tells Marni about how his brother has terrible manners. He doesn’t know what to do about it. Find out more in today’s lesson about bad behavior.

Dialog

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Gary

Gary

Marni

Marni

Gary:  Marni, I don’t know what to do.

Marni:  Why is that?

Gary:  My brother has the worst manners.

Marni:  Oh, no.

Gary:  And I just don’t know what to do. He’s so offensive whenever people are talking, he just doesn’t care what they have to say. He’s burnt so many bridges that friends of mine don’t even want to come to our gatherings anymore.

Marni:  Wow. Do you think he’s aware of this? Or is he unaware of his actions?

Gary:  I don’t think he’s aware of it. I think he’s just an insulting type of guy.

Marni:  Interesting. Well, perhaps you can try to lead by example and be really mindful of the example that you’re setting with manners that you have.

Gary:  I could do that. I hope that he can become considerate of other people and what their thoughts are and how they feel. Do you think that’ll do it?

Marni:  I think that good modeling is really important. And when you’re in a group of people, just trying to steer the conversation away from anything that can get offensive. But it’s important to try be yourself and to show him certain social graces.

Gary:  Yeah.

Marni:  Good luck.

 

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Lesson MP3

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Discussion

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Gary is upset because his brother has bad manners. His brother has made so many people feel uncomfortable that they don’t like to visit anymore. What can Gary do to make his brother more aware of this bad behavior?

Marni suggests that Gary show his brother how to have better manners. She says that Gary can teach his brother by showing his own social graces. Gary thinks this is a good idea and will give it a try.

Do you think it’s important to have good manners? Do you know anyone with bad manners?

 

Comments

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Shoba

Shoba

Sri Lanka



Oh, poor dear Julito!!! 



02:09 PM Apr 14 2015 |

1 person likes this

julito1

julito1

Argentina

Dear Shoba,  interesting to know how your Dad  found a way (bribery) to keep  his  ”broncos” calm.    My Dad used a more drastic method. ” boys, if you don´t behave ,when we got back home , I will kick your butt as many times that you won`t be able to seat for several days.    yeeees dady.  

11:38 AM Apr 14 2015 |

lira_

lira_

Russian Federation

Having good manners is really important. If person makes others feel uncomfortable, no one just will talk to him/her again. Also for person with bad behavior it’s hard to make any friends.

11:27 AM Apr 14 2015 |

Shoba

Shoba

Sri Lanka



Having good manners makes people take a shine to us instantly and helps to build up a more humane and pacific society. 


On the other hand, being impolite is a great weapon for the teenagers to bully their parents into giving in to their demands. When we were young my father was so scared that we might disgrace him in public that he gave us handsome pocket money to be polite when we attended special occasions!



 

ScienceBoy

ScienceBoy

Turkey

Of course i’s so important to have good manners. And Marni is right, the best way of teaching good manners is to be a role model. Doesn’t matter what you say or how you say unless you act like you talk. You can try to teach your kids or students that smoking is an awful habit and rally harmful but if you smoke then you words are just wasted.


There is a real story about that. A teacher decides to visit one of his students’ patents to discuss his lying habit. He arrives parents’ house, they welcome him. He is just about to talk but the phone rings and the student’s mother answers the phone but then turns to her husband and says “It’s for you!” He says ” Tell him I am not home!!” The teacher doesn’t say anything anymore because he knows the reason behind his student’s lying habit.


evil_genius

Turkey

I think so, yes. Although the term “manner” is so relative, I believe one should have the sufficient manners to hold on in society. After that, it’s up to the person’s benefits to have better or worse manners. So as long as you’re pleased with yourself, don’t overthink about this matter unncessarily.


05:53 PM Apr 13 2015 |

1 person likes this

buttafly

buttafly

Germany

@julito Like Sheryl explained to me Ps are your Pleases and Qs are your Thank Qs :)


 Hope that helped, dear friend.

03:48 PM Apr 13 2015 |

latif32080

latif32080

Iran, Islamic Republic Of

if everybody had good manners, the world would be heaven- politeness is very important

03:47 PM Apr 13 2015 |

julito1

julito1

Argentina

Dear Anja, sorry, but what you meant by” Ps  and Qs”  

03:02 PM Apr 13 2015 |

Alexey777

Russian Federation

i think it is a very good idea to have bad manners and make everyone listen to every word you say, no more social graces - good idea

02:36 PM Apr 13 2015 |

Lejla123

Lejla123

Serbia and Montenegro

Yes I think that is  important feature. Because I hvae opinion when someone have a good manners and polite behaviour that someone is immediately more beautifull in your eyes.

buttafly

buttafly

Germany

Back in the days when I was a babysitter in Chicago there was this specific warning my host mother used to say to her toddler son almost every day. He turned out to be a polite young man, with perfect manners. So yes, I certainly think it’s important “to mind your Ps and Qs”  Always and everywhere… 

S&W

S&W

China

well i think sometimes kids are terribly eager to share the best things happened around them with people who are kind in their eyes.They would like sing the new songs that they have learned yesterday.their favorate toy ,new bought cloth,their painting things like that.But usually adult got together and sit to talk each others life,kids are ignored so that they made these impolite behaviors to get attention.

s11211s

s11211s

Iran, Islamic Republic Of

Having good manners is so important in our relationships, Otherwise we will be in isolation and anyone won’t to respect us.


There were and are some people around me who didn’t and don’t have good manner, sometimes we are nervous or we are under stress and we aren’t aware of our bad manner, I think need a close friend, in friendly way, direct or indirect warn us about our bad manner!


Sometimes we need a mirror to know how bad is our manner, so our closest people like our family and friends can be our mirror!


According to my own experience some of these people in this way try to change their manner, some of them not! By the way in my opinion these people need help, if we can, should try to help them in right way!

La Princesse de la vie

Egypt

@Julito, Hi :)


You are right, I go with that psychological explanation that it might be a feeling of inferiority or any other psychological complexities when it comes to adults, and yes, these kind of things happen as a result of an unhealthy surroundings back in the past. And of course mostly these people had social troubles when they were kids.


Maybe, good modeling won’t work for grown ups, I agree on that with you, but for teenagers it might work well. It’s so common among teens to be a little mean and offensive, but they just need to be with the right accompany :) If not, so they need a therapist. 

11:56 AM Apr 13 2015 |

julito1

julito1

Argentina

@ La Princesse.  hello, i totally agree with you. Kids use to do that  when they  don´t get the ” center of attention”  . With growns up , it might be a different story .I am not  a psychologist , but my take on this kind of behaviour could be an inferiority complex ,also, unresolved issues dating back  in time. Whatever the causes are , is a serious matter, and i don´t think that showing them  how to behave is 100% sure that it will help.

11:19 AM Apr 13 2015 |

La Princesse de la vie

Egypt

I agree with Marni. Actions speak louder than words. If you want to show somebody how to do something in a particular way, you have to be a good model for them with the right manners.


Of course, it’s so important to show good manners towards others, because it’s the basis on which social bridges are built.


I remember a situation. I was visiting my uncle, he has 2 kids, a 5-year-old girl and a 2-year-old boy. The adults were talking with each others while the kids were trying to show off their skills and the new toys and all these stuff, and they got none of the attention, so they began to call loudly interupting the conversations and made a lot of noise. My uncle gave them a stern look, they shrinked a little, but didn’t stop, so I suggested to go play with them in their room, they were happy and we had a lot of fun.. My uncle’s kids are well-mannered, but what happened is that they were trying to be the highlight of the adults’ talk.


I knew before that kids like to pull the attention to them to feel like important, and they like to hear encouraging words like “Bravo!” “Well done!” That really help them to be confident in their lives later. They hate to be ignored, and we shouldn’t do that for their sake.


I think it’s the same here with Gary’s brother, and maybe it’s the same with all kids. 

11:04 AM Apr 13 2015 |

julito1

julito1

Argentina

I am so sorry for Gary. From what  he is sharing with Marni  ,undoubtedly his bro is an extremely obnoxious type of person. Yes, it is important to have good manners .I like that when i am invited to a social gathering ,  at the end of it , to hear ” please, come again,  you are most welcome” . and not that behind my back  people  start  talking about me  ,how disgusting was my presence and the “foul odour” , so to speak, that i left behind.

10:38 AM Apr 13 2015 |

shahriarheydari

Iran, Islamic Republic Of

Human is nothing but What he say,What he do , What he think .

08:44 AM Apr 13 2015 |

MESS

MESS

Turkey

I think it is pretty important to have good manners. Good manners show who you are. It is the reflection of one’s personality. Of all the good manners, to me kindness is the most significant one. When I meet a person for the first time, the first thing I look at is whether he/she is kind or not. I believe that all of the good manners come from kindness. If a person is kind, then it is highly likely that he/she has other great features and good manners, too, but certainly as in other cases, there might be some exceptions. 


And if someone has bad manners and their manners irritate me, I simply stop talking to them and explain it to them politely without hurting their feelings if they ask for an explanation. 

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