My Blog
Poland
March 13, 2008
Entry for March 05, 2008
Today is time for some memories from childhood. Life is very complicated and unexpectable.
Do you know what was the worst punishment for me when I was a child?
When I was about 10-11 I was playing with other kids in Indians. We had our wigwams made of blankets under balconies of our block of flats. My youngest brother aged 4-5 was there with us and suddenly the brick, which was keeping the blanket, fell and hit him in head.
My parents had to go to a doctor with my brother. My mummy was very very angry at me... and punshed me. I wasn't allowed to spend the night at home so I was sitting on the stairs in the staircase till 10 or 11 p.m. Then I came back home (I was living on the ground floor) but my parents
treated me like an air. They didn't talk to me at all. I was left alone. On the next day, after school I went to my friend because
I was afraid to come back home. I got there at last but my parents still treated me like noone was at home with them apart of my brothers. This situation lasted only few days, maybe a week, but it had the biggest influence on my all future life. You may imagine how i felt then. I felt like noone, I felt useless, not being loved, like unnecessary thing.
Another punishment was unjust. It was aimed against my younger brother who was innocent. When I was about 11 I was talking to my brother, who is the eldest of them, and my parents told
us not to do it because it was late at night. We didn't to listen to them and still were talking and laughing.
My younger brothers were sleeping at that time. And then my father came to our bedroom with the
belt. We had beating. But it is not what was the worst.The worst was the fact that my father woke up my younger brother and he had beating too. He woke up and was crying. I felt terrible then. I'm still living in sense of blame that I didn't do anything to protect my brother ,who was innocent, from anger of my father.
My way of living, my way of thinking about myself today is conditioned mainly with those situations.
That's all for that subject.
Today is time for some memories from childhood. Life is very complicated and unexpectable.
Do you know what was the worst punishment for me when I was a child?
When I was about 10-11 I was playing with other kids in Indians. We had our wigwams made of blankets under balconies of our block of flats. My youngest brother aged 4-5 was there with us and suddenly the brick, which was keeping the blanket, fell and hit him in head.
My parents had to go to a doctor with my brother. My mummy was very very angry at me... and punshed me. I wasn't allowed to spend the night at home so I was sitting on the stairs in the staircase till 10 or 11 p.m. Then I came back home (I was living on the ground floor) but my parents
treated me like an air. They didn't talk to me at all. I was left alone. On the next day, after school I went to my friend because
I was afraid to come back home. I got there at last but my parents still treated me like noone was at home with them apart of my brothers. This situation lasted only few days, maybe a week, but it had the biggest influence on my all future life. You may imagine how i felt then. I felt like noone, I felt useless, not being loved, like unnecessary thing.
Another punishment was unjust. It was aimed against my younger brother who was innocent. When I was about 11 I was talking to my brother, who is the eldest of them, and my parents told
us not to do it because it was late at night. We didn't to listen to them and still were talking and laughing.
My younger brothers were sleeping at that time. And then my father came to our bedroom with the
belt. We had beating. But it is not what was the worst.The worst was the fact that my father woke up my younger brother and he had beating too. He woke up and was crying. I felt terrible then. I'm still living in sense of blame that I didn't do anything to protect my brother ,who was innocent, from anger of my father.
My way of living, my way of thinking about myself today is conditioned mainly with those situations.
That's all for that subject.
March 13, 2008
Entry for March 04, 2008
That's me again. I doubt someone is reading this but it's not important. If someone is dreaming of being a writer should begin with such blog , firstly.
Here are some episodes from my childhood:
1. Me aged 4 or 5 - I was playing with other kids in the playground when the other girl who was 6 wanted me to take my pants off and to show her what's inside. I was in a big shock, I came back home and i told my mummy what had happened.
He talked to her mother and later I wasn't allowed to play with her anymore... But something left inside of me
2. Me aged 10 or 11 - my cousin who was over 20 wanted me to come with him to the toilet. When were inside I had to touch his penis. It was the first time I saw it so clearly. I was told not to tell about it anyone. It was another very big shock for me.
3. Me aged don't remember exactly but I was a teenager. I suddenly came to the bathroom and saw my father completelynaked. I left the bathroom blushed and in a shock again.
4. Me aged 19 - I was still a virgin when I heard my parents making sex in another room. I couldn't sleep becasue of it and felt really shock for another time. I heard it later many times and every time i felt very embarassed.
5. Me as a teenager - I read something for adults. It was a very indecent description of what a patient is doing with her doctor. Another shock.
6. My "first time" was completetly hopeless.
Now, my sexual life is not as good as I expected and I think that those episodes had negative influence on this sphere of my life.
Anothere speheres of my life will be discribed another time.
That's me again. I doubt someone is reading this but it's not important. If someone is dreaming of being a writer should begin with such blog , firstly.
Here are some episodes from my childhood:
1. Me aged 4 or 5 - I was playing with other kids in the playground when the other girl who was 6 wanted me to take my pants off and to show her what's inside. I was in a big shock, I came back home and i told my mummy what had happened.
He talked to her mother and later I wasn't allowed to play with her anymore... But something left inside of me
2. Me aged 10 or 11 - my cousin who was over 20 wanted me to come with him to the toilet. When were inside I had to touch his penis. It was the first time I saw it so clearly. I was told not to tell about it anyone. It was another very big shock for me.
3. Me aged don't remember exactly but I was a teenager. I suddenly came to the bathroom and saw my father completelynaked. I left the bathroom blushed and in a shock again.
4. Me aged 19 - I was still a virgin when I heard my parents making sex in another room. I couldn't sleep becasue of it and felt really shock for another time. I heard it later many times and every time i felt very embarassed.
5. Me as a teenager - I read something for adults. It was a very indecent description of what a patient is doing with her doctor. Another shock.
6. My "first time" was completetly hopeless.
Now, my sexual life is not as good as I expected and I think that those episodes had negative influence on this sphere of my life.
Anothere speheres of my life will be discribed another time.
March 13, 2008
Entry for March 02, 2008
After such long break, it's time now for another part of my story.
Childhood has the most influence on our adult life. I experienced it on my own.
Every child needs to be praised instead of being criticized because children who are only criticized and not praised, become people with low self-estimate like me.
People who have low self-estimate see themselves in a false way, just like people who have an anorexia.
It's a certain similarity between these two groups of people.
When you have an anorexia, you can see in a mirror a very fat person in spite of the fact that your real look is
almost just like a skeleton.
The same is with people who have low self-estimate. They are nice, intelligent, smart, beautiful, sensitive, careful but they perceive themselves as ugly, fat, stupid, useless.
They have to learn how to be self-confident and how not to take care about what other people think or say.
It's very difficult in some age, but with certainty, it's possible.
I realize i must change this way of thinking of me as quickly, as it possible. I realize too, that it needs a very, very hard work from me....
So I'm going to start to "working".:)
After such long break, it's time now for another part of my story.
Childhood has the most influence on our adult life. I experienced it on my own.
Every child needs to be praised instead of being criticized because children who are only criticized and not praised, become people with low self-estimate like me.
People who have low self-estimate see themselves in a false way, just like people who have an anorexia.
It's a certain similarity between these two groups of people.
When you have an anorexia, you can see in a mirror a very fat person in spite of the fact that your real look is
almost just like a skeleton.
The same is with people who have low self-estimate. They are nice, intelligent, smart, beautiful, sensitive, careful but they perceive themselves as ugly, fat, stupid, useless.
They have to learn how to be self-confident and how not to take care about what other people think or say.
It's very difficult in some age, but with certainty, it's possible.
I realize i must change this way of thinking of me as quickly, as it possible. I realize too, that it needs a very, very hard work from me....
So I'm going to start to "working".:)
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12:34 PM Mar 20 2008 |
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jayksonmuy
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