Using Humor to learn English

How to get your gardening done – for FREE!

An old man lived alone. He wanted to plant his annual tomato garden, but it was very difficult work, as the ground was hard.

His only son, Vincent, who used to help him, was in prison. The old man wrote a letter to his son and described his predicament:  “Dear, Vincent, I am feeling pretty sad because it looks like I won’t be able to plant my tomato garden this year. I’m just getting too old to be digging up a garden plot. I know if you were here my troubles would be over. I know you would be happy to dig the plot for me, like in the old days.  Love, Papa”

 A few days later he received a letter from his son.

“Dear Papa, don’t dig up that garden. That’s where the bodies are buried. Love, Vinnie”

 At 4 a.m. the next morning, FBI  agents and local police arrived  and  dug up the entire area without finding any bodies. They apologized to the old man and left. That same day the old man received another letter from his son.

“Dear Papa, go ahead and plant the tomatoes now. That’s the best I could do under the circumstances. Love you, Vinnie”  ;)

Once a rabbit got ill and sent the turtle to get him some medicines, but a full year passed and the rabbit recovered while there’s no news from the turtle, so he decided to go out and look around for her, but when he opened the door he saw her ahead of the door and shouted at her ” Where were you all that time? “.. The turtle replied  angrily “Hey! You are shouting at me!! Well, I will not go and I will not get you the medicines. Let’s see if someone else will help you”..

Humour is in the air :D

I’m grateful for the witty reply, dear Alston. 

Hello Lesya,

Minding your P’s and Q’s basically means to pay attention to details, but usually is an admonishment for children to watch their manners.

Yes, yeah, and yep all mean yes.  Yeah and Yep is a very casual, slang way to say it and you would never say it in a formal setting.  If a person was on a job interview and responded to a question saying “Yeah” or “Yep,” they probably would not be hired for their poor English unless it was at “Bubba’s Place!”

Good morning, dear Alston. 

Could you explain what does it mean “P’s and Q’s”?

And tell me please is there any difference between “Yes, Yeah and Yep”?

As I suppose “Yeah” and “Yep” are slang but  ”Yes” is a formal word. 

I’m asking because my native language does not have so many variants of “Yes” :)

Many thanks

Okay, you’re on your P’s and Q’s.  You are correct if you observed the fact that coconut trees do not have bananas.  My purpose is this: be careful to observe words, context, and do not read into something that is not there.  Good job everyone!

Wow.. I want to share fun with you..

Thank you mr. Alston for this great idea..

Take this, guys,

What’s the longest word in the English language???

.... 

....

....

....

....

....

....

It’s SMILES… There’s a mile between the first and the last letters..

Julito,  I knew  it was  senseless I just wanted to “play jazz” ;)

Lesya, i back you up !!! bananas on top of a coconut tree?  c´mon , senseless. lol

Complicated and logical riddle, dear Alston  :D

I’m puzzled about how do animals get a banana off the coconut tree? :D

As far as I know bananas don’t grow on a coconut tree, though it might  be a new sort of coconut tree with bananas on it :D  It’s confusing and funny :)

I root for squirrel anyway despite the fact there will be no winner 

“There was a very tall coconut tree and there were 4 animals:

A Lion, Chimp, Giraffe, and a Squirrel.

They decided to compete to see who is the fastest to get a banana off the tree.

Question: Who do you think will win?”

Thanks a2020!

Crizsearch, that’s about as bad as a guy who boasted that between him and his brother, they know everything!  So when someone asked him a question, he answered, “I don’t know, but my brother knows.”

Someone else asked him another question, and he responded: “I don’t know, but my brother knows.”  Another person asked him a third question, and his response was: “I don’t know, but my brother knows!”

Therefore the person asking the initial question says to him: “Man, it looks like your brother knows everything and you don’t know nothing!”

Thanks Criz for your contribution.

A silly tourist asked a boat guy:”Do you know Biology, Psychology Geography, Geology?” 
The boat guy said:”NO to all the questions” ..
The tourist then said:”What the hell do you know on the face of this earth \?You will die of illiteracy !!”
After a while, the boat started sinking so the boatman asked the tourist:
“Do you know Swimology and Escapology from Crocodilogy?”
The tourist said: NO !!
The boat guy replied: Well you will Drownology and Crocodilogy will eat your Bodiology and you will Dieology because of your Badmouthology

So damn trueololgy. LOL

Why did Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall?

Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall,

Humpty Dumpty had a great fall.

All the king’s horses and all the king’s men

Couldn’t put Humpty together again.

Question: Why did Humpty Dumpty fall off the wall?

Well, upon a great investigation, it was determined that Humpty was pushed!

thank’s for learning english ?

Preveet LESYA , I was just checked on youtube, MAHOLO.COM provide to learn anything hehhehe

Anyway …..spah see boh Lesya 

helloo can you help me to improve my english, 
if yu want pleas join  in my skype aries.nagato :)

A patient was lying in bed, still groggy from the effects of the recent
operation. His doctor came in, looking very glum.

“I can’t be sure what’s wrong with you,” the doctor said. “I think it’s the
drinking.”

“Okay,” the patient said. “Can we get an opinion from a doctor who’s sober?”
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hasband:do you have something that you wanna get for your birthday?

wife:Yes, I want a mixier!!

hasband:a mixer?how nice of you that you want to make delicious food for me everyday!!of course I’ll buy one for you!(smiling)

wife:no,no,I just want a mixer to hit a robber when I met him in the house.