Comparison of learning how to ride a Bicycle and English:
The following is satire humor, which uses humor to make fun of something to shame them into doing better.
A. Learning to ride a bicycle- Straight-line cycling
Formal method:
1. Write a plan describing the profile of the rider, the dimensions of the bicycle, climate conditions, location, altitude, and ground hardness.
2. Study the physics of balance including:
- The relationship of the center of gravity and mass
- The effect of gravity on mass
- The effect of wind velocity
- Inertia and stability principles
3. Bicycle Training Procedure:
- Two instructors are required to balance the trainee, a trainer and assistant. A minimum of a Masters Degree is required of the primary trainer.
- Install training wheels for 6 months or more depending on the trainee.
- At first lesson, adjust the seat and safety helmet.
- Provide instruction on pedaling and braking.
- Have trainee mount the bicycle with both trainers balancing the bicycle in a vertical position.
- Count 1-2-3 and both trainers are to push the trainee mounted on the bicycle instructing him to pedal and keep going straight. Hope for the best!
- If trainee falls down, immediately summon the emergency staff of the hospital so x-rays can be taken to ensure no bones are broken.
- If trainee is ok, resume straight-line cycle training and continue until success is achieved.
Results:
The trainee was doing pretty good, however, when he approached a curve, he panicked. We both yelled: “STOP! STOP!” and told him: “You cannot attempt to navigate a curve! The knowledge of going into a curve, going up and down hills, and riding on dirt is in our Advance Class. You must take our “Special Manuevers” class, but it is already full! However, if you get on the waiting list, you may be able to enter that class.
In the meantime, you must learn to follow instructions, straighten up and fly right!”
Informal Method:
1. Okay son, straddle your bicycle and let’s see if the seat needs adjusting. While seated on the bike with the pedal at the bottom of its travel, your right leg should be slightly bent. If not, raise the seat to achieve this position.
2. Position the right pedal so that you can apply downward motion to the pedal which will cause the bicycle to move forward.
3. Push off with your left foot to start the bike to move and maintain that motion by applying pressure to the right pedal that you positioned previously.
4. Once in motion continue pedaling with both legs, keeping the bike vertical.
5. I’m here to keep you from falling. If you find the bike leaning to the left, lean your body to the right to cause the bike to move towards vertical.
6. If you approach a curve, rotate the handle bar slightly in the direction of the curve.
7. Back pedal until the pedal stops and apply pressure to brake.
8. We’ll practice everyday until you learn to ride your bicycle.
Results:
Success was achieved in 5 days, with son saying on the 5th day, “Look Mom no hands!”
B. Learning English
Formal Method:
1. Learn the following grammar details:
- Nouns: Proper Nouns, Collective Nouns, Single and Plural Nouns, Possessive Case of Nouns, and more.
- Verbs: Action Verbs, Linking Verbs, Active and Passive Verbs, Transitive and Intransitive Verbs, Verbals: Gerunds, Infinitives and Participles, forming Verb Tenses, Moods of the Verbs, Problems with the Verbs, and more.
- Pronouns: Personal Pronouns, Reflexive Pronouns, Demonstrative Pronouns, Relative Pronouns, Interrogative Pronouns, Indefinite Pronouns, Pronoun Case, Objective Case of Pronouns, Finding the antecedent, unclear antecedents, indefinite antecedents and more.
- Modifiers: Adjectives and Adverbs.
- Prepositions, Conjunctions and Interjections.
- Phrases, Clauses and Sentences
- And more!
2. Learn hundreds of words you may never use.
3. Identifying which words go into the proper grammatical category.
4. Using dictionaries to learn vocabulary.
5. Drawing grammar trees to learn structure.
Results:
After years of studying English, cannot converse with a native English speaking person. :(
Informal Method:
1. Obtain a digital voice recorder and record segments of natives speaking. Listen carefully and understand what the speaker is saying. Repeat until you fully understand.
2. Instead of spending thousands of dollars in a language school, hire a personal tutor and supplement no. 1. Write down questions to ask tutor.
3. If you cannot afford a tutor, find the answers from a native or send me an email with your question.
4. Make every effort to listen, read, write, speak, and think in English.
5. To help you with listening to native speakers, please find links below to 3 radio stations in the Southern California area. Listen carefully to the announcers as they speak about events, music, commercials, traffic reports, etc. Record them and play it back to study their pronounciation, and rate of speech. Comprehend what they are saying. You can do it, let us know how effective it was for you.
The type of radio programming for the links are:
Smooth Jazz / U.S.A National Public Radio News / Classic Oldies Music
http://player.radio.com/player/RadioPlayer.php?version=1.2.13935&station=69
http://www.scpr.org/listen_live/
http://player.radio.com/player/RadioPlayer.php?version=1.2.13935&station=144
Finally, you can also listen to the lyrics in the songs in the Relaxation Lounge on my profile page.
http://www.englishbaby.com/findfriends/gallery/detail/1207903
Well, I hope this will help you in your efforts to learn English. Have a nice day!
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