My Silly Mind

During these weeks, I have done a lot of things stupid. I think I really love him because I could ignore his cheating, his dishonest, his lies..... even he had another girl who travelled with him. I kept waiting and waiting his call, his email, his message and I gave myself a thousand of excuses for him. Finally I know even I did a tone of things for him, he haven't felt appreciated!

I have a lot of questions haunting in my mind and I always feel confused what his thought is. He knows me whatever he've done and told me I must accept and stand all. He was no need to tell lies to me.

This trip in China, I think that was a momeriable experience because I never have been China by myself. First of all, I bought the airticket that was as expensive as I could join a tour to travel China for 7 days. But I couldn't complaint because I had to arrive on a specified date. And I'd never walked on the street in the midnight to find a hotel location he stayed. Moreover I 'd never ran on the street as fast as I could that was look like in TV series or moives acting to meet him in a bus station before he went to airport but finally I couldn't catch him because he took a taxi to airport. I knew after he arrived in another city. Then I went to airport where I hoped to meet him but of course I couldn't. In addition, I'd never imagine we stayed in 2 different room in a same hotel. The reason was he told me he had to work in a room and some people would come in the morning too. Therefore when I arrived at the hotel at night, I booked another room and moved in the morning. I thought this was true but also I considered he didn't want me to meet his people and that girl who had traveled and had had a special relationship with him.

Those things are look like very stupid I've done. But in my mind, I want to try everything I can. I don't want any regrets if I do nothing.

Now I see and know the truth clearly. I have to treat myself well and I will continue to finish my traveling in China.

Sometimes I'm wondering our problem is related about our languages, cultures.... He is always angry with my wrong replies because I can't catch his meaning. He said he felt difficult to talk with me. And I saw him was impatient to listen my words. His face was seemed to be very annyoned when I tried to explain or tell him something slowly and  what he wanted to know or asked me.

I always blame on myself and angry with my English not good. If I studied in aboard when I was a child, this would be changed. Silly thought!

Actually, whatever I study hard in English from now, I still can't speak or talk as a western girl.