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June 17, 2009

No more than 15 minutes after I turned off my computer, I’ve decided to skim my book titled “Chicken soup for the teenage Soul”. I need to do some reading before I head to bed. But when I’ve read about the story of mike I’ve decided to reopen my computer and wrote about his tragic story and how it touched my heart.

Mike ended his life after the sudden breakup of his first romance. It happened to his yellow ’68 mustang he lovingly restored and treasured. He shot his self with one bullet and left a note. “I wish I could have learned how to hate. Don’t blame yourselves, Mom and dad. I love you. His note ended “Love Mike, 11:45pm”. It was too late when his mom and older brother found out what happened.

I felt sad when I heard about someone’s died not in by natural death but taking one’s life voluntarily. I can’t imagine how some people are too weak. Committing suicide for me is kind of creepy because when I think about death one question that still stuck in my head is; Is there a life after death? So I wonder how some people do this unacceptable matter. However teen suicide rate decreased during the 90’s, American teenager remains high in the ages 15-24 with almost 3,200 suicides a year. Teenage suicide is social promulgate because they’ve lose their hopes at an early age not even tried to live their life to the fullest and no courage to face and overcome failures.

When the whole community knew about the sudden death of Mike, some had shared their own story about this Mike. His older friend Danny told that during their kindergarten years he was so frightened that he could not join class picture. Mike says “it’s easy just go like this” Mike taught him to smile ear to ear. During high school days one of his high school band mates went to Florida, Mike assist one fellow band member who was blind. Another young mother phoned how he helped her to fix her car. Mike’s niece was born with cerebral palsy, mike studied sign language so he could take care of her because she was on her tracheotomy tube and can’t speak. He even learned how to replace it and perform CPR, should the need arise. Mike been very helpful with someone that I compare him like a superhero, always to the rescue but to my dismay he didn’t even apply it to his self.

Mike’s family came up with a project which could help youngsters how to deal with depression.

“Yellow ribbon Project” In loving memory of Michael Emme” The ribbon card is lifeline! It carries the message that there are those who care and will help. If you are in need and don’t know how to ask help, take this card to a counselor, teacher, clergy, parent or friend and say: “I NEED TO USE MY YELLOW RIBBON!”

Sometimes we feel that we are all alone struggling with our controversies. And in this case no one was exempted not even me. I’ve been through a lot of battle. Sometimes I felt that my weakness slowly swallowing me. One time I remembered, I went to the bathroom crying, and weeping with the shower on that I wanted to end my “futile life” as I called it before. No one, not even my best friend knew about it during those restless times. I can’t even convey and remain unexpressed as I pretend everything with me was well with my siblings because of my superego, as I thought I knew all the things in life that no one could ever comfort aside from me.

It’s hard when you keep the entire burden and carry the entire luggage on your shoulder companionless without telling to others that you’re in distress because I’ve been in this kind of picture believe me or not it was stiff. That’s why all the hard times flashed back to me in a split of seconds when I’ve read about mike, because somehow I can cognate to his story.

One time my best friend called me crying. She wanted to talk to me so bad. I rushed to her house even I have to finish some important matter because I’m worried that she might poisoned herself that I can’t imagine seeing her laid down in the floor lifeless. Moreover another friend went to my work that I had to talk to my boss and left my paper work behind because she has to share that her relationship with her long time partner ended and wanted to rant about it and have a shoulder to cry on.

I’m proud of them that they were so brave they called someone right away to tell their problems and needed to burst out on how they felt so bad during those tough times. But when it comes to me, I can’t even hold my mobile phone to call a friend because I was so anxious I might freak out. I don’t want anyone else to be bothered with my messed. That‘s why all has to be clandestine inside of me.

But then God is good, I surpassed all those challenges I had encountered in my life’s journey. It became lesson to me, to hold on and not to give up. I’m still lucky compare with Mike because he was too weak. He didn’t even bother to grab a friend and invite to sit in the bench just to elaborate his difficulties. I’m lucky enough that my conscience is kicking me big time, that I still questioned myself; what would be the life of my friend and my family if I’m gone?

Problems and trials are part of our lives that is reality; we just have to learn how to jump over those humps that we may encounter now or tomorrow. We must know when to be quite, and when to be voluble because if you keep all unsettled, issues may arise. It could lead to depression, insanity and worst death. So imagine you have ONE YELLOW RIBBON when you feel that you need to use it, hand it over as soon as possible to someone close to your heart. It is the bravest thing you could do to yourself. As Maya Angelo says, “Nothing will work unless you do.”

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