nothing venture nothing gain

Wew.. it's been so long I haven't visit this web, I miss writing here, I think I'm a bit out of my mind how stringing words in English, but let's see...

I have my new life right now, I've married about 5 months ago, and there's a future baby in me, so these months are so irritating, I got nausea, vomited, all days. Sometimes I have to eat something that's not easy to find. Like this very moment I think I need to go to the rest room, I feel like I wanna throw up!

I still sit here at my desk, I don't wanna go anywhere, meet anyone, I wanna call my daughters but I'm afraid they would ask again this over and over "is it true that mom will be home tomorrow?" huaaaaaa.... I don't know what to say, they would cry loud if I say yes, but if I say no meaning I've lied. But I really wanna have chat with them, listening their stories about school, their comforting.

I miss them so bad! Better out refreshing myself, walk around alone, enjoying the sadness inside... and asking to Allah, what is Your plan...

It's been a while, I haven't wrote anything since I met some one who called "my future husband". As I recall we used to chat on YM while we were working, he used to have time to buzz me, but it's different now, I talked a lot with others than him, well, something that seems I gotta wash of mind..."NOTHING LAST FOREVER". That's why I'm back to blogging now, back to Ebaby! where my life was begun here. Where I can spray the stuck feeling inside and getting better!

I just called my daughters, my lil' one picked the phone up, she just recovering from her fever, my daughters got fever easily lately, as their first grade at elementary school. My big daughter got medical check up a couple days ago, my lil one will follow, she got EEG, a graphical record of electrical activity of the brain, cause both of my daughters got convulsions because of high temperature of their fever. But my mom and me can't receive and find out the result of the record yet cause the doctor has his duty trip abroad, can't wait for the result on this fifth of November. I miss my daughters, hope my marriage will help them of getting better from their psychology point of view. I hope, I see my future hubby more closer to my nephews than to my daughters, a lil' bit sad, but it has took place, I promise I will never live my daughters, no matter what, ever! 

I missed my daughters so bad, I promised them something, they asked me on the phone, but the bad news is I can't reach home tonight, cause I got something to do tomorrow morning, I'll catch them tomorrow at noon, hope it won't disappoint them.

I feel better now, I don't have to call out for someone to make me feeling this way, just write it down, here, on these pages of my story of life, hah..sounds pathetic huh? but better than shout for no reasons, curse on my closer buddies, hurt the feeling of someone I love. 

Just writing and praying..