My life

candy_2050

China

1 2 3 4

you mean a lot to me

May 20, 2010

What should I write for today’s diary? Something for A?

I did many Chinese diaries for you, but no English one, as I cannot express my feeling very well by E. I can remember when I joined here for several days, you asked my contact, but we seldom chat. As you are a friend of our manager, we always have dinner together when I work overtime. No special feeling during the past almost one year, I was pregnant after I joined here months later. And then was busy with my job, global ERP training , daily work, take care my expecting baby, take care myself…. All things went well. Then I had my maternity leave for five months. After I get back to work middle of last year, our office was in a schedule for new decoration, my working table was reallocated to your department, I sat in front of you. Just a few talking with you when the work was needed, and as I had a baby I get off work on time every day. We never eat together. One working day of the beginning of this year, you asked the password for my diary space, I asked you why are you concerning what I write in my diary? You told me you like me. I was shocked suddenly. I cannot believe. And I get back to you: are you kidding? You replied: no, I am serious. May I ask you to be my GF? I feel nervous when I saw these words, I was shy to speak anything, and feel a high rate heartbeat. I try to calm down & continue joking: don’t tell me it’s true, I am in a marriage danger, I cannot stand the temptation. You still told me you are serious.

I never thought this thing will happen to me! We all married and had baby.For my situations, we bought an apartment on loan and had a baby for one year old, since we bought the room and had the baby my husband is unemployed at home. All the pressures and burdens are on me. I feel the tough life is so boring. The thing got worse since my mother-in-law not willing to take care of the baby for me. She insisted to go to hometown for new year holiday but we have no more money for the expense. Nobody understood me. I was crying in bed those days and thought if I would give up my job and make myself as a housewife. But my husband has no job, how this family goes to survive? Those are the unhappiness in my deep mind, maybe you discovered it and showed concern to me. You want to take care of me.

In the first week I don’t dare to keep eye contact with A, quite nervous, thinking this question day and night. I cannot stop thinking of him. A week later, I wrote some feelings in a web forum. My husband happened browsed that, and we had a quick discussion, it was ended up with nothing as I really didn’t do anything with A. A wanted to date with me, and I refused. One day I want to relax, this feeling keep me going to crazy, we suggest have a dinner together and I would like to make it clear face to face. We talked a lot, I was not willing to leave. You kissed me and we said goodbye. It’s the first and also the last time we sit down face to face. All things seem are clear now, we know we are under the moral control.

I don’t know how to move on for this diary. It sounds not sweet. We won’t have any result, so we should over.It’s really my honor to meet you, who gave me so many help. The remarkable encourage for my interview, the suggested preparations for my interview, likes a guide to my life. And I am open for your suggestions, and I enjoy. All these feelings and actual help I couldn’t get it from my husband, he likes a baby need my care but never showed care to me. I was lost in A’s embrace and kiss. I never got the feeling with my h as he is smoking and always forget to brush his teeth, we seldom kiss. I looks quite calm when I face A seems all my mind are in moral lines, but in my deep mind, I never stopped missing him. We won’t have result, except ended by sorrow. It won’t last. We won’t divorce, we won’t give up our babies. Life is really tough particularly after married and had baby. Hope my h you never visit this website.

2 Comments
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01:09 AM May 26 2010
candy_2050 China	Hi Doris, thanks for your kind comments. I was moved by your words. Feeling warm...I do understand what you mean. I am also curious and confused how to adjust myself. we stay together for many many years since i am a young girl knowing nothing about 19 years old. many things changed for sure in these two years after we had the room and the baby. anyway, I will try my best. I know the complete love from parents are critical for a baby's growing up. thanks again. Wish you a happy life.

01:09 AM May 26 2010

candy_2050
China

Hi Doris, thanks for your kind comments. I was moved by your words. Feeling warm...I do understand what you mean.

I am also curious and confused how to adjust myself. we stay together for many many years since i am a young girl knowing nothing about 19 years old.

many things changed for sure in these two years after we had the room and the baby. anyway, I will try my best. I know the complete love from parents are critical for a baby's growing up.

thanks again. Wish you a happy life.

02:04 AM May 25 2010
doris kang China	Hi,Candy, It's very nice to talk to you, i am Doris who is from HuNan. As known from your daily, you have some trouble in you current life, i suggest you should talk with your husband deeply, tell him your problems and idea which he should improve. You chose your husband, i think he has excellent side, otherwise you could not chose him to be your husband,right? i suggest you think it over, you really don't want to live with him any more, think of your baby, do you want to the little boy will not have dad, thus you should talk with your husband for all your idea to make your future life happy together. Hope you eudemonia !

02:04 AM May 25 2010

doris kang
China

Hi,Candy,

It's very nice to talk to you, i am Doris who is from HuNan. As known from your daily, you have some trouble in you current life, i suggest you should talk with your husband deeply, tell him your problems and idea which he should improve.

You chose your husband, i think he has excellent side, otherwise you could not chose him to be your husband,right? i suggest you think it over, you really don't want to live with him any more, think of your baby, do you want to the little boy will not have dad, thus you should talk with your husband for all your idea to make your future life happy together.

Hope you eudemonia !

something new in my life

May 19, 2010

After a long time didn’t log in English baby I miss here again, I still remember last time I try to log in and the main purpose is for improving my English and write diary here day by day. After my English approved I will have more confidence to the new position Financial analyst interview. But I haven’t made the habit come ture . Fortunately, I was succeed in the twice interview.

All the things are vividly.

When I know the colleague from UK who is the interviewer named Pauline will be in our office, I got nervous. I must mention one guy, who gave me remarkable courage. Thanks, dear. As I never worked with Pauline, and she speaks English quickly, I never talk to her in the past. The guy I will name you A here, suggested me say hello to her, and try to talk with her. So I made a coffee for her, and we started our conversation talking anything. That’s a good beginning. She held several interviews for the people HR got back from Job market. And seems she is not satisfied except one candidate is good enough. and she suggest have a interview with me the next day. I had prepared sth for this, but actually I have no confidence even I’d like to give up. Guy A encouraged me to have a try.

Let me recall what questions she asked me at the first interview. 1, what’s BOM for? Can you give an example? 2, What’s KPI? Can you give an example? 3, what’s your advantages? 4, Are you confident for this position? And what are you worrying about? 5, how do your team members think about you? 6,Do you use cognos? Which report have you used there and for what purpose? For KPI question I have no answer, and for the confident I just speak frankly not having 100%. Anyway she seems a little satisfied for my answers. And confirmed my oral English is ok. Maybe because there are a few accountants can speak English especially among those candidates she met. She ended the interview with the words: thanks for applying this position and we will have a final interview this Thursday, we will let you know if you passed your fist interview tomorrow.

The ending words made me falling into nervousness again. I just tried to relax and pay no attention to the result. The day after, I got the news I will join the final interview. Guy A asked me to do some preparations, try to list some questions they are concerning and give a Chinese answer then translated to English, and recite them. I did.

The day is coming, half an hour before the interview, my manager sent me a paper, it included three graph and almost ten questions. Inventory turnover, board build per operative, scrap. I made a quick check with other managers if I wasn’t quite sure for the answer then went to the meeting room. GM joined this interview but didn’t ask me any question. This is the first time he knew my English ability. He should be satisfied with me compared with other finance members. Pauline told me she gave more time for the other candidate but my reply marked better, and I had a lot of ERP and company knowledge so she would like to give the offer to me. Actually she got some my performance from other UK finance colleagues. They helped me a lot. Thanks for all the kind people.

Pauline is going to give me some training in early July, I personally have pressure for improving my listening and speaking urgently. I must work hard & study hard.

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Update for the pending promotion

October 26, 2009

The manager Andy talked with me yesterday again for the new position, and told me the UK colleague will visit Shenzhen in Dec for interview. Our HR has registered the advertisement in website looking for candidates for this position.

We will have a fair competition at that time. When I heard this I want to give up this chance……

If you really want to promote me or make sure I am the suitable one why do you arrange so many people for interview? I have no interest for this… but when we talking this face to face I didn’t say this, I just replied “en, en, en”, I am not happy with this solution. But I promised the manager I will have a try for this, actually in my mind I don’t care.

Take it easy. If ok, then cherish it and work hard, if failed, work harder, work happily. Or when have new opportunities, do anything what I like. I have no mood to update the resume and do any preparation. Zero enthusiasm.