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Poland
March 13, 2008
Entry for February 25, 2008
I didn't know I have any friends here who want me to keep blogging. Few months ago I just couldn't believe I have friends. I lost my baby and I was in a big shock firslty.
It was the first feeling after my son's death. Then I heard unpleasant things about me, I was told about mistakes I made before in my life. It caused I didn't want to go out and meet other people.
All the time I had impression that other people are looking at me and criticize me: my way of living, my look, my way of dressing... and finally...my way of briniging up my children (especially my oldest daughter who began her education the same year).
I didn't have suicide thoughts but I didn't care about anything.. Nothing could me bring me joy and smile in that term.
I didn't care about my health too much and the only reason for me to live and not to die (soemtimes I was thinking about it how it could be if I was in heaven with my baby), were my children. I had to live for them - only for them.
I was living like in a dream: I was walking, eating, trying to take care of my children. And I still had the same thoughts. Nobody accepts me so I better stay at home all the time.
Fortunately I met some fantastic people who helped me to change my way of thinking and my life. ...
But I write about it another time.
I didn't know I have any friends here who want me to keep blogging. Few months ago I just couldn't believe I have friends. I lost my baby and I was in a big shock firslty.
It was the first feeling after my son's death. Then I heard unpleasant things about me, I was told about mistakes I made before in my life. It caused I didn't want to go out and meet other people.
All the time I had impression that other people are looking at me and criticize me: my way of living, my look, my way of dressing... and finally...my way of briniging up my children (especially my oldest daughter who began her education the same year).
I didn't have suicide thoughts but I didn't care about anything.. Nothing could me bring me joy and smile in that term.
I didn't care about my health too much and the only reason for me to live and not to die (soemtimes I was thinking about it how it could be if I was in heaven with my baby), were my children. I had to live for them - only for them.
I was living like in a dream: I was walking, eating, trying to take care of my children. And I still had the same thoughts. Nobody accepts me so I better stay at home all the time.
Fortunately I met some fantastic people who helped me to change my way of thinking and my life. ...
But I write about it another time.
More entries: something irattional (2), something irattional, something irattional (1), something irattional, about me, about me, about me (6), about me, about me, about me (3)
